Love..love..love..
I'm not really sure why this is the topic that is top of mind today..it could be because I was talking to Mommy about it yesterday, about praying for the things you want and how I am so so hoping that in their old(er age, they aren't that old!) they find more peace and joy with everything and especially with each other...
Or it could be because I was talking to Ms. Rose about it today at the office..
or it could be because Ist (tristan, my childhood friend) and I have been discussing it (with Kai and Nikki on separate days) and dissecting it and talking about our wants, likes, dislikes, hopes, honeymoon locations, wedding motif and stuff..Ist has this thing about talking about it calls the good vibes to you..something along the lines of Kevin Costner's movie and that baseball pitch..hmmm, I dunno Ist! he he he, yeah, I too believe in the power of faith, prayer and positive thinking!
But you know..since I'm on the topic of love.., when I think of love, the first three things, or at least three movies, come to mind..
Love Actually,... the scene that flashes up first is the one in the church where kiera and her boyfriend are about to get married and then these instruments start playing set up by the best friend who is in love with her also.. No, I am not saying I like my best friend's man but more the whole concept. The music, the whole scene..it was just so..nice.
Then the one where the guy from Bridget Jones (his name eludes me right now) and him proposing to the italian girl..I guess it's how he's fumbling with his italian, making a dog's dinner out of it, but still getting his point across..its soo NOT lost in translation, such is love.
Anyway, Second movie..
Have you seen Moulin Rouge? The scene that plays in my head is when Ewan McGregor is talking/singing about love to Nicole K, saying all the things love could be..love lifts us up where we belong, all we need is love, you were meant for loving me..the scene ha, not just the words and the songs..kase it doesn't look complete without the lsd-inspired scene on the rooftop (with the fairies and kylie minogue), with him dancing around like a girl and her trying to resist destiny..he he he helpless romantic.
And finally, Notting Hill..ofcourse, its the scene where she says she's just a girl, asking a boy to love her..
Ha ha ha, I just re read that all and I don't really want to post this because I sound like such a girl..but really...
Love really does lift us up where we belong, though I don't believe that all we need is love (though, if you look at it in its pure form, yes, all we need is love because love inspires us to do great things, as God does).
And that love can cross many borders and bridge gaps, especially now that the world is a much smaller place. Language is not and has never been a barrier.. Ha ha ha I don't know if you would call me helpless or hopeless, I guess I would rather be classified as a realistic romantic.
And just to bring the whole story back to me..One day, a long long time ago, one friend saw me just as me, nothing else..not who I could have been or will be 15 years later or what I could achieve, nope, just me as me.....and that was good, because he loved me anyway. I just love good memories...And...no matter how complicated or intimidating I seem (or act he he he), I really am just a girl y'know.
(ed's note: the title reminds me of love..and I didn't want a title that had the word love on it..so yeah..if you know those things and me, then you would know that this blog is all about love :) And I don't know, the Yuletide season always makes me cheery and happy and all romantic like..yuck! fool he he he)
Friday, December 15, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
At each turn of the cog, a thought escapes...
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately..about the importance of things, the significance of being, the serenity found in solitude, the peace found in shared moments, the potential of love and the relevance of it all.
The world is a funny place. When you are young, all you want to do is grow up and see the world, but once you are older, you want to be young and be responsibility free..But in actual fact, you can grow up and still stay young at heart! Life needn’t be so serious (as Ae and Caroline have taught me) and you have to be a little adventurous and free because life is short (as Maris shows me every time she goes on holiday) but you also have to be responsible and O.C. (that's ming philosopy Living your life is important.
People are funny too. So much hiding and pretense going on..but what for? Afraid that people won’t like you for who you are? So what? Another concept is people wanting what other people have without the hard work..now that is really funny..I mean, clichés like no pain no gain MUST have come from somewhere! Being you is way more interesting than trying to be someone else for others.
Its funny how when things get chaotic it’s rare for people to actually stop and re evaluate things..its so much easier to let things careen out of control and ignore the carnage until it slaps you in the face..yeah it may be hard to deal with things, but finding that inner silence during the storm makes you so much more stable.
The funniest thing is..its actually quite simple..and it has been said many many times over..just be happy. Happy to be alive, happy to have great friends, happy to do what you are doing, happy to be free, happy to just be. Stop comparing yourself to the person on your right, stop being envious about someone else’s life, stop judging people and making assumptions based on hearsay, stop putting other people down to make yourself feel great.. (that one was for your caeci baby!) Be happy for who you are and the lives you touch because there is always peace to be found in shared moments with people you love.
Ofcourse, when you are done thinking about all these things, making yourself the better person that you want to be, its always good to have someone to share this with. The newly discovered restaurants or menus, someone to tell how crappy or great your day was..And even if you have to somehow wait for this ‘significant other’ to come..well, the potential of love can be good for you too.. because if things come too easy to you, at most times you won’t appreciate what you have.
All of this can be wrapped up in one word. Love. Love for self, love for others, love for country, love for mankind. If you love, you have passion, and if you have passion, then nothing is beyond your reach.
The world is a funny place. When you are young, all you want to do is grow up and see the world, but once you are older, you want to be young and be responsibility free..But in actual fact, you can grow up and still stay young at heart! Life needn’t be so serious (as Ae and Caroline have taught me) and you have to be a little adventurous and free because life is short (as Maris shows me every time she goes on holiday) but you also have to be responsible and O.C. (that's ming philosopy Living your life is important.
People are funny too. So much hiding and pretense going on..but what for? Afraid that people won’t like you for who you are? So what? Another concept is people wanting what other people have without the hard work..now that is really funny..I mean, clichés like no pain no gain MUST have come from somewhere! Being you is way more interesting than trying to be someone else for others.
Its funny how when things get chaotic it’s rare for people to actually stop and re evaluate things..its so much easier to let things careen out of control and ignore the carnage until it slaps you in the face..yeah it may be hard to deal with things, but finding that inner silence during the storm makes you so much more stable.
The funniest thing is..its actually quite simple..and it has been said many many times over..just be happy. Happy to be alive, happy to have great friends, happy to do what you are doing, happy to be free, happy to just be. Stop comparing yourself to the person on your right, stop being envious about someone else’s life, stop judging people and making assumptions based on hearsay, stop putting other people down to make yourself feel great.. (that one was for your caeci baby!) Be happy for who you are and the lives you touch because there is always peace to be found in shared moments with people you love.
Ofcourse, when you are done thinking about all these things, making yourself the better person that you want to be, its always good to have someone to share this with. The newly discovered restaurants or menus, someone to tell how crappy or great your day was..And even if you have to somehow wait for this ‘significant other’ to come..well, the potential of love can be good for you too.. because if things come too easy to you, at most times you won’t appreciate what you have.
All of this can be wrapped up in one word. Love. Love for self, love for others, love for country, love for mankind. If you love, you have passion, and if you have passion, then nothing is beyond your reach.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Cause and Effect
Cause and Effect..sounds so simple when you look at it from a scientific point of view. Push the car, the car moves forward...well yeah, inertia and all that is involved but if you relate it to life and love (where things are NOT all fair)..well, it becomes a little more complicated.
I mean it can still be simple. You drink alcohol, you could get liver cancer. You smoke, you get lung cancer..but if you look at the reasons that you sometimes over drink, or over smoke..that's where the complications come in. You live with the consequences because its something that is self inflicted at least. No, I am not condoning over indulgence, I'm just saying its better than inflicting it on someone else... But sometimes, even the things that are self inflicted have an effect on the people around you..
I don't know if this is me coming off my alcohol high weekend or just my usual drama..in any case...i was telling my 'friend' yesterday that I've been lost of recent. Why do I feel lost? Cause and effect..something happens in your life that puts you off balance, hence you are off balance. External factors that kind of f#$% with your world..let me explain.
I was talking to my ex, about the effect that he had on my relationships after we finally broke up. I told him that after we ended, i felt bitter....I was so good, so nice, so okay, I have NO IDEA how he cheated on me..
Unconsciously (because I would never hurt someone consciously) I dated three guys in a row, each two months each, and before I broke up with one, I had already planned the other...I wasn't in love, I wasn't in lust either...it was just after a month and a half, I thought that maybe he would cheat on me so it was time to move onto someone else..After this 3 dating stint, I dated someone for a longer period of time, and decided what's the use in loving or dating if you aren't going to lose yourself in it.
My discussion with my ex last last week actually helped me put things in some sort of perspective..he hurt me, therefore the way I functioned for about a year was medjo alanganin. He did say that he was sorry, and that obviously he wasn't really in love with me and that he was young..and that he now believes that if you love someone you would never do anything to hurt them. I had to disagree. don't get me wrong..I agree that if you love someone you wouldn't want to hurt them..but sometimes (especially when you are young and foolish) you make stupid decisions..based on peer pressure, previous hurts and bad experiences. BUT when you get older and wiser and more experienced, you should know na what you are doing...therefore we should be getting better at things as we grow older...
I'm assuming that if he knew what effect he'd have on my life, he would have thought twice before cheating on me..but maybe I'm being too optimistic..since obviously people do the things they do without care about other people, that's what makes it a selfish act right?
This then jumps to my discussion with a friend of mine over last weekend. I don't really want to drown you with the details, but we came to the conclusion that people should be more responsible for their actions. That you really don't know the effect that you could have on someone else, and so by being mean, or cheating, or hurting partners or friends, you could alter the direction of people's lives, like REALLY alter it.
For me, the effect only lasted for about a year, but I do know that sometimes I make a statement of 'just remember that if you are cheating on me, in all likelihood I could do something worse' The good thing is I have learned to think and say that 'if you are just going to cheat on me, just leave me and we're good, I wouldn't suggest for you to try my patience'..Honestly, I would rather be told that you are out of love..i mean I'm not one that would accept a half assed relationship anyway, just be straight!
Where am I going with this, since when I read back it sounds like I want to discuss something but don't want to say too much..
What I want to say is you can do things that have an effect only on yourself, and you would have to live with these consequences. But the minute that you add another person into the equation, you have to also think about the effect of your action on that person too.
Possibly why I didn't date last year.. i wanted to sort out myself first before I test those waters again. I know it seems silly that when i need someone the most to help me through a rough patch I kind of avoid the opportunities, but I figured, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger! (ha ha ha) And also..I just want to make it clear that I'm not saying that my external factors at this given time is a dating/boy thing..it just seemed easier to use that as a point to examine. Anyone who knows me knows what my external factors are for now..Anyway..
I guess I am hoping for the good in people, especially now that we are older and wiser, that before you take on that 'extra' girlfriend, before you go into some drama fest to add colour to your life, before you decide to sit on your ass and let everyone else deal with the situation around you, before you do things that affect other people..think about the people you affect. I'm not just talking about boyfriend/girlfriend things, I'm talking about anything! with your family, with your dog, with your office mates, with your friends..
that's all I'm hoping for..think before you act, because you could actually scar someone for life with the things that us humans foolishly do.
I mean it can still be simple. You drink alcohol, you could get liver cancer. You smoke, you get lung cancer..but if you look at the reasons that you sometimes over drink, or over smoke..that's where the complications come in. You live with the consequences because its something that is self inflicted at least. No, I am not condoning over indulgence, I'm just saying its better than inflicting it on someone else... But sometimes, even the things that are self inflicted have an effect on the people around you..
I don't know if this is me coming off my alcohol high weekend or just my usual drama..in any case...i was telling my 'friend' yesterday that I've been lost of recent. Why do I feel lost? Cause and effect..something happens in your life that puts you off balance, hence you are off balance. External factors that kind of f#$% with your world..let me explain.
I was talking to my ex, about the effect that he had on my relationships after we finally broke up. I told him that after we ended, i felt bitter....I was so good, so nice, so okay, I have NO IDEA how he cheated on me..
Unconsciously (because I would never hurt someone consciously) I dated three guys in a row, each two months each, and before I broke up with one, I had already planned the other...I wasn't in love, I wasn't in lust either...it was just after a month and a half, I thought that maybe he would cheat on me so it was time to move onto someone else..After this 3 dating stint, I dated someone for a longer period of time, and decided what's the use in loving or dating if you aren't going to lose yourself in it.
My discussion with my ex last last week actually helped me put things in some sort of perspective..he hurt me, therefore the way I functioned for about a year was medjo alanganin. He did say that he was sorry, and that obviously he wasn't really in love with me and that he was young..and that he now believes that if you love someone you would never do anything to hurt them. I had to disagree. don't get me wrong..I agree that if you love someone you wouldn't want to hurt them..but sometimes (especially when you are young and foolish) you make stupid decisions..based on peer pressure, previous hurts and bad experiences. BUT when you get older and wiser and more experienced, you should know na what you are doing...therefore we should be getting better at things as we grow older...
I'm assuming that if he knew what effect he'd have on my life, he would have thought twice before cheating on me..but maybe I'm being too optimistic..since obviously people do the things they do without care about other people, that's what makes it a selfish act right?
This then jumps to my discussion with a friend of mine over last weekend. I don't really want to drown you with the details, but we came to the conclusion that people should be more responsible for their actions. That you really don't know the effect that you could have on someone else, and so by being mean, or cheating, or hurting partners or friends, you could alter the direction of people's lives, like REALLY alter it.
For me, the effect only lasted for about a year, but I do know that sometimes I make a statement of 'just remember that if you are cheating on me, in all likelihood I could do something worse' The good thing is I have learned to think and say that 'if you are just going to cheat on me, just leave me and we're good, I wouldn't suggest for you to try my patience'..Honestly, I would rather be told that you are out of love..i mean I'm not one that would accept a half assed relationship anyway, just be straight!
Where am I going with this, since when I read back it sounds like I want to discuss something but don't want to say too much..
What I want to say is you can do things that have an effect only on yourself, and you would have to live with these consequences. But the minute that you add another person into the equation, you have to also think about the effect of your action on that person too.
Possibly why I didn't date last year.. i wanted to sort out myself first before I test those waters again. I know it seems silly that when i need someone the most to help me through a rough patch I kind of avoid the opportunities, but I figured, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger! (ha ha ha) And also..I just want to make it clear that I'm not saying that my external factors at this given time is a dating/boy thing..it just seemed easier to use that as a point to examine. Anyone who knows me knows what my external factors are for now..Anyway..
I guess I am hoping for the good in people, especially now that we are older and wiser, that before you take on that 'extra' girlfriend, before you go into some drama fest to add colour to your life, before you decide to sit on your ass and let everyone else deal with the situation around you, before you do things that affect other people..think about the people you affect. I'm not just talking about boyfriend/girlfriend things, I'm talking about anything! with your family, with your dog, with your office mates, with your friends..
that's all I'm hoping for..think before you act, because you could actually scar someone for life with the things that us humans foolishly do.
Monday, March 20, 2006
New horizons
Wow, its been a while..not that I had nothing to say, its just been hectic, and I kind of forgot that I had this space to share my crap..
So whats new? Hmm, lots! Mother is back with Mich. Hmmmm, is that good news or not I don't know, but I guess its alright...I've been avoiding the home front a fair bit so to avoid confrontation..
I have a new friend and his name is Deone. NO, there is no real hidden meaning behind the word friend as we are purely friends...which is odd though because we are together ALL the time! And when we aren't together we are texting each other..are we dating no, do we ACT like we are, well, yeah I guess so but then again maybe we are just both at a stage when you don't want a partner, you just want a constant friend..well, thats what I want, I don't know about him...and he is quite sexy..but hmmm, not entirely my type!
Also, the beach boy (read back to Beach blog) turns out that he has TWO girlfriends!! can you fucking imagine that! So here he was making some move for me, when he already had two girls, and as if I wouldn't find out!!!!! anyway, its all good, at least I didn't get sucked into that scenario.
Anyway, I'm doing much better...much much better.
So whats new? Hmm, lots! Mother is back with Mich. Hmmmm, is that good news or not I don't know, but I guess its alright...I've been avoiding the home front a fair bit so to avoid confrontation..
I have a new friend and his name is Deone. NO, there is no real hidden meaning behind the word friend as we are purely friends...which is odd though because we are together ALL the time! And when we aren't together we are texting each other..are we dating no, do we ACT like we are, well, yeah I guess so but then again maybe we are just both at a stage when you don't want a partner, you just want a constant friend..well, thats what I want, I don't know about him...and he is quite sexy..but hmmm, not entirely my type!
Also, the beach boy (read back to Beach blog) turns out that he has TWO girlfriends!! can you fucking imagine that! So here he was making some move for me, when he already had two girls, and as if I wouldn't find out!!!!! anyway, its all good, at least I didn't get sucked into that scenario.
Anyway, I'm doing much better...much much better.
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