Things change every day. how many times have we been told in this life that the only thing in life that is constant, is change (well, and death and taxes or something)...
Friction and drama only occurs when you resist change, when you can't let it flow like water off a duck's back..
I was discussing plans with a friend of mine today and the 'ming not having a plan' was something he thought alien, since I always have a plan (well, I do, a general one, not a specific action plan for now..ha ha ha) and he said
'I think people who don't make plans live happier lives'
I disagreed. It's only the anal plans that are too rigid and the people who make these plans that get bent out of shape when things don't go 'according to plan' that have issues, that aren't too happy.
So I said
"hmmm, I don't think so. I think somewhat planned is good, just as long as you are happy with the general plan, and if you don't get all anal when plans change...changing plans are okay, its resisting the change that causes all the drama"
I'm happy. Happier than I have been in 4 years. M said today that I am more relaxed than when I first arrived, i seem more centered, more happy. I am. It wasn't the leaving home or being sick and tired of being home that I needed to get away from. It was the needing quiet time, me time, reflection time..its like going to YE in high school, for that weekend to reflect upon your life..but this one, I had to actually work at the same time (because life doesn't stop when tragedy strikes), but its alright..I had the me time...so now, I'm all good.
Sooo, to you out there, who may be plan free, or over planned, or anally planned. This one's for you.
Life is short, and unless you are Buddhist, you only get one go. Make plans to inspire you, use plans and goals to drive you, but never let them rule your life, and change strategies when you have to..
I'm fulfilled by doing my part in life, how about you?
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Timing
You have to admit..that sometimes, timing can be everything.
I learned a few years back, that you need to have a few things aligned to create a window of opportunity. This works both for work and for life in general.
Many years ago (vague obviously for a reason) I met this guy. I was in a slightly complicated stage in my life (well, more confused than complicated). He, on the other hand, was in a MORE complicated/confused state. A recipe for disaster.
The thing is it was all good.. Good friends, good times, good vibes, good laughs....
I have to say that if we were in a more lucid state, we would have either recognized the state of it all and maintained the friendship only, or taken it to a more steady level..but as timing had it..after all the dust settled, we had nothing, just a chasm and 'common' friends.
Within the past X years, we've seen each other here and there, exchanging quick hellos to keep up appearances, but anyone who knew us, must have noticed the change in status..and I have to say I felt the difference, and I would imagine he would have too. I'm sure he must have felt the fact that one of his best friends became mine too, possibly from his point of view, replacing him..but that wasn't the case.
I'm thankful that I met one through the other, but one surely doesn't equal the other...
I was angry for a time..because I felt jipped out of my friendship but after x years (and heavy discussions with significant others) i was already at the stage where I thought it was time to mend fences..but the opportunity wasn't there, and the timing was never right.
Life has been chaotic for the past few years..but things had started to settle again, and I was somewhat out of my 'cloud'
And so, recently, a window of opportunity presented itself, and it seemed, for both of us, the timing was right.
When I first got there I was wondering if we'd be able to sort things out this time round..I was there, he was there, with our friends. We said hello and I *think* he gave me a hug...We had dinner, we hit the town and went to some funky bars then we all had breakfast together. A few days later we also all had lunch, and what I thought might have been a one day fluke, wasn't. I figured, yeah, maybe we were okay again.
What really hit home with me was when he (and ofcourse his/my best friend) came over the night before I left (or was it two nights before?)..which was signature him, since the last time we were 'friends' he stayed til the sun came up, half asleep, talking and laughing.
At long last, we were friends again.
We didn't really talk about this until last week, when he saw me on ym, and said something about putting me in his little black book (he was asking for my details) and i said that I had already made it into that book..didn't I?
He asked if I had regrets, and I said no. Regrets about what? Us being friends? not at all. About the good steady friendship that we had? No way. About all the other things that complicated the already complicated situation? No.
Life is all about living and I have no regrets. He was (is) the best of friends...he would drive hours to come get me, and drive hours back to take me home. Everything was funny and he is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met in my life...
He apologized profusely, and I told him that there is nothing to say sorry about anymore...
You know how they say that time heals all wounds? It's not true. Though time is a factor, there are many other factors that you need to put in place to create your own window of opportunity...and forgiving yourself is one of those things as is forgiving other people.
We are only human.
And knowing all these things, talking about it to settle the issues and regaining my center?
Well, somehow, all that happened last week, and that, my friends, is timing.
I learned a few years back, that you need to have a few things aligned to create a window of opportunity. This works both for work and for life in general.
Many years ago (vague obviously for a reason) I met this guy. I was in a slightly complicated stage in my life (well, more confused than complicated). He, on the other hand, was in a MORE complicated/confused state. A recipe for disaster.
The thing is it was all good.. Good friends, good times, good vibes, good laughs....
I have to say that if we were in a more lucid state, we would have either recognized the state of it all and maintained the friendship only, or taken it to a more steady level..but as timing had it..after all the dust settled, we had nothing, just a chasm and 'common' friends.
Within the past X years, we've seen each other here and there, exchanging quick hellos to keep up appearances, but anyone who knew us, must have noticed the change in status..and I have to say I felt the difference, and I would imagine he would have too. I'm sure he must have felt the fact that one of his best friends became mine too, possibly from his point of view, replacing him..but that wasn't the case.
I'm thankful that I met one through the other, but one surely doesn't equal the other...
I was angry for a time..because I felt jipped out of my friendship but after x years (and heavy discussions with significant others) i was already at the stage where I thought it was time to mend fences..but the opportunity wasn't there, and the timing was never right.
Life has been chaotic for the past few years..but things had started to settle again, and I was somewhat out of my 'cloud'
And so, recently, a window of opportunity presented itself, and it seemed, for both of us, the timing was right.
When I first got there I was wondering if we'd be able to sort things out this time round..I was there, he was there, with our friends. We said hello and I *think* he gave me a hug...We had dinner, we hit the town and went to some funky bars then we all had breakfast together. A few days later we also all had lunch, and what I thought might have been a one day fluke, wasn't. I figured, yeah, maybe we were okay again.
What really hit home with me was when he (and ofcourse his/my best friend) came over the night before I left (or was it two nights before?)..which was signature him, since the last time we were 'friends' he stayed til the sun came up, half asleep, talking and laughing.
At long last, we were friends again.
We didn't really talk about this until last week, when he saw me on ym, and said something about putting me in his little black book (he was asking for my details) and i said that I had already made it into that book..didn't I?
He asked if I had regrets, and I said no. Regrets about what? Us being friends? not at all. About the good steady friendship that we had? No way. About all the other things that complicated the already complicated situation? No.
Life is all about living and I have no regrets. He was (is) the best of friends...he would drive hours to come get me, and drive hours back to take me home. Everything was funny and he is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met in my life...
He apologized profusely, and I told him that there is nothing to say sorry about anymore...
You know how they say that time heals all wounds? It's not true. Though time is a factor, there are many other factors that you need to put in place to create your own window of opportunity...and forgiving yourself is one of those things as is forgiving other people.
We are only human.
And knowing all these things, talking about it to settle the issues and regaining my center?
Well, somehow, all that happened last week, and that, my friends, is timing.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Instead of timing, I give you 'sayad'
how annoying.
I wrote this expressive blog, about how timing can make such a difference..and it didn't save..grrr.
But see, I still want to share the kwento..I need to gather my thoughts again on that, so for now..you'll get 'sayad'
We get exposed to sooo many things in this life. So many people, so many influences, so many situations. The difference between being juvenile and mature is how you handle the different situations. I don't talk about being young and old..i'm talking about melodrama and sayad, I'm talking about knowing when you are moody and being selective on who sees it. I'm talking about causing drama and deciding that you don't want to be involved in the drama.
Now, in Laos, just like anywhere in rural Asia, women *need* to get married early, and ofcourse, the token single foreign boy is the best way 'out'. Sometimes its amusing, to see girls flirt and try to be coy. Just as long as I don't get pulled into anything, I don't mind. But when you single me out and then try to use psychological foolishness to get to the boy I live with..dude..I'm pinoy man, we can smell home made drama a mile away!
Not only did this girl want to meet and catch up with me--which was fine--instead of being actually shy about asking about him, or being direct..she went all funky drama weirdo on me. The last girl that seemed this dramatic was the sister of one of my neighbors)
Then, I had to have dinner with her too..this was kinda my fault. M and I had tentative plans to try out this nice Thai restaurant, but I messed it up and it ended up us three..which actually was fine with me..but dude..she acted even weirder. As in, when he would ask a question, she would go all telenovela and glance left and right and fidget and then just look at me. Then Marcel and I were talking about reading, and he asked her if she reads books about Laos, because he likes to, and she said 'why would i read books about Laos, Ming do you read books about the Philippines?'..I just said 'Uhh, don't use me as your gauge, I read everything'.. Marcel dropped me at my guesthouse, and we talked about how odd she was..and then later on she called me asking if 'she was acting strange' (which, we already established by this stage) and I said 'yeah' and she said something like 'oh, well, marcel makes me act strange, his presence alone makes me act strange' and I thought 'puta, this girl is reallly strange!' (and manipulative)
Next day M and I met with my lao best friend, who told us all the weird stuff this girl does at the office, and how seriously manipulative she is..and M said that she called him last night and she shared how 'He flustered her and his mere presence astounded her'--seriously now.. so I told him she called me too..and that just made the whole thing seem foolish. (he thought he was like the hottest thing since sliced cheese)
I can't really go into detail about how weird she was, but suffice to say, I know weird when I see weird, and mannnnn, this girl..sayad talaga.
The sad thing is, what makes her this way? Why is she manipulative and why does she thrive on drama? The good thing is, I am mature enough to know that a)its not my problem and b)i should avoid her at all costs.
*sayad, in tagalog means to grate or brush against something, usually the ground. like if your skirt brushes against the ground, it's 'making' sayad. In this context, its your brain that hits the ground, therefore you are slightly off center, at 50% or a fruit loop.
I wrote this expressive blog, about how timing can make such a difference..and it didn't save..grrr.
But see, I still want to share the kwento..I need to gather my thoughts again on that, so for now..you'll get 'sayad'
We get exposed to sooo many things in this life. So many people, so many influences, so many situations. The difference between being juvenile and mature is how you handle the different situations. I don't talk about being young and old..i'm talking about melodrama and sayad, I'm talking about knowing when you are moody and being selective on who sees it. I'm talking about causing drama and deciding that you don't want to be involved in the drama.
Now, in Laos, just like anywhere in rural Asia, women *need* to get married early, and ofcourse, the token single foreign boy is the best way 'out'. Sometimes its amusing, to see girls flirt and try to be coy. Just as long as I don't get pulled into anything, I don't mind. But when you single me out and then try to use psychological foolishness to get to the boy I live with..dude..I'm pinoy man, we can smell home made drama a mile away!
Not only did this girl want to meet and catch up with me--which was fine--instead of being actually shy about asking about him, or being direct..she went all funky drama weirdo on me. The last girl that seemed this dramatic was the sister of one of my neighbors)
Then, I had to have dinner with her too..this was kinda my fault. M and I had tentative plans to try out this nice Thai restaurant, but I messed it up and it ended up us three..which actually was fine with me..but dude..she acted even weirder. As in, when he would ask a question, she would go all telenovela and glance left and right and fidget and then just look at me. Then Marcel and I were talking about reading, and he asked her if she reads books about Laos, because he likes to, and she said 'why would i read books about Laos, Ming do you read books about the Philippines?'..I just said 'Uhh, don't use me as your gauge, I read everything'.. Marcel dropped me at my guesthouse, and we talked about how odd she was..and then later on she called me asking if 'she was acting strange' (which, we already established by this stage) and I said 'yeah' and she said something like 'oh, well, marcel makes me act strange, his presence alone makes me act strange' and I thought 'puta, this girl is reallly strange!' (and manipulative)
Next day M and I met with my lao best friend, who told us all the weird stuff this girl does at the office, and how seriously manipulative she is..and M said that she called him last night and she shared how 'He flustered her and his mere presence astounded her'--seriously now.. so I told him she called me too..and that just made the whole thing seem foolish. (he thought he was like the hottest thing since sliced cheese)
I can't really go into detail about how weird she was, but suffice to say, I know weird when I see weird, and mannnnn, this girl..sayad talaga.
The sad thing is, what makes her this way? Why is she manipulative and why does she thrive on drama? The good thing is, I am mature enough to know that a)its not my problem and b)i should avoid her at all costs.
*sayad, in tagalog means to grate or brush against something, usually the ground. like if your skirt brushes against the ground, it's 'making' sayad. In this context, its your brain that hits the ground, therefore you are slightly off center, at 50% or a fruit loop.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The deadly sins
I watched a movie over the weekend..blood diamond.
Have you seen this? I have actually put off watching it because I wasn't in the right frame of mind last week to watch a potentially serious movie (since I didn't really know what it was about, other than the conflict diamond twist)..but when I did see it..shucks, I know I am already an activist..but man, this cause demands some attention.
Now I would encourage my friends to watch this movie, because it should change your point of view regarding that ring you plan to buy for your fiance, or the ring that you aim to get from your fiance, or that gorgeous tennis bracelet/pair of earrings that you have always had your eye on..waiting for the day that you can 'buy it for yourself'
I admit, I am one of these girls..no, not the OTT ring from the spouse to be, but the I want to buy something nice for myself when I can afford it..it was a toss up between a tennis bracelet and a watch..but at least now if I get myself the bracelet, i know to ask my jeweler the right questions to make sure I am not playing a part in the conflict in other parts of the world.
Anyway, this movie seriously hit a nerve with me..because we imagine that we live in 'peacetime' as compared to world war status, but really, there are sooo many countries in conflict..the worst ones taking on child soldiers, ripping them from their families, drugging them and making them do the worst things..this is a crime..we are bad enough as a world letting children go hungry, child prostitution, pedophilia..and even worse is that parents themselves can be the bad role models that create weird people who have children too..its a vicious cycle....its just too sad.
I like to think that I am jaded, and cynical..hardened by the harsh things I have seen in this world. I've met people who are not good. People that hurt other people intentionally, people who manipulate situations, people who take advantage of other people..but I guess I should be glad that I haven't been exposed to extreme atrocities directly...but you know..at the end of the day, I feel naive at times..i ask stupid questions like 'why are people so greedy' or 'why are people so envious of others', like I seriously cannot understand it..and so I asked M last night, are these emotions (greed, envy, anger..etc-- in relation to the deadly sins) natural or are they brought about by social pressures/situations? and he said, all emotions are natural but some are emphasized as the child grows up..some naturally, some not..some brought about by experiences, some by how you see other people deal with or react to certain things..What makes someone greedy? What makes someone abuse power? (shucks, I just thought of politicians there for a sec, but I won't go into that)
Two babies are sitting in one cot, you pick one up..the other one left in the cot cries. Is this envy? I guess it is at some basic level..They are not envious of the other child, they just want to be carried too..what happens though is some adult will say 'ha ha child, you are not as wanted as the other child', some foolish person directs the envy towards another human being.. I know its not this simple, but it could be..which is just..sad.
Yeah, I know, this is a rambling blog with a lot of unhappy things..but I would like to imagine that there are more people who care than don't.
Have you seen this? I have actually put off watching it because I wasn't in the right frame of mind last week to watch a potentially serious movie (since I didn't really know what it was about, other than the conflict diamond twist)..but when I did see it..shucks, I know I am already an activist..but man, this cause demands some attention.
Now I would encourage my friends to watch this movie, because it should change your point of view regarding that ring you plan to buy for your fiance, or the ring that you aim to get from your fiance, or that gorgeous tennis bracelet/pair of earrings that you have always had your eye on..waiting for the day that you can 'buy it for yourself'
I admit, I am one of these girls..no, not the OTT ring from the spouse to be, but the I want to buy something nice for myself when I can afford it..it was a toss up between a tennis bracelet and a watch..but at least now if I get myself the bracelet, i know to ask my jeweler the right questions to make sure I am not playing a part in the conflict in other parts of the world.
Anyway, this movie seriously hit a nerve with me..because we imagine that we live in 'peacetime' as compared to world war status, but really, there are sooo many countries in conflict..the worst ones taking on child soldiers, ripping them from their families, drugging them and making them do the worst things..this is a crime..we are bad enough as a world letting children go hungry, child prostitution, pedophilia..and even worse is that parents themselves can be the bad role models that create weird people who have children too..its a vicious cycle....its just too sad.
I like to think that I am jaded, and cynical..hardened by the harsh things I have seen in this world. I've met people who are not good. People that hurt other people intentionally, people who manipulate situations, people who take advantage of other people..but I guess I should be glad that I haven't been exposed to extreme atrocities directly...but you know..at the end of the day, I feel naive at times..i ask stupid questions like 'why are people so greedy' or 'why are people so envious of others', like I seriously cannot understand it..and so I asked M last night, are these emotions (greed, envy, anger..etc-- in relation to the deadly sins) natural or are they brought about by social pressures/situations? and he said, all emotions are natural but some are emphasized as the child grows up..some naturally, some not..some brought about by experiences, some by how you see other people deal with or react to certain things..What makes someone greedy? What makes someone abuse power? (shucks, I just thought of politicians there for a sec, but I won't go into that)
Two babies are sitting in one cot, you pick one up..the other one left in the cot cries. Is this envy? I guess it is at some basic level..They are not envious of the other child, they just want to be carried too..what happens though is some adult will say 'ha ha child, you are not as wanted as the other child', some foolish person directs the envy towards another human being.. I know its not this simple, but it could be..which is just..sad.
Yeah, I know, this is a rambling blog with a lot of unhappy things..but I would like to imagine that there are more people who care than don't.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Ming logic at 24 years old
A long time ago, well considering Caeci is now what, 24 (which is what I was at the time when I wrote it), I thought 17 was a good time in a girl's life to know a little more about what to do when things get tricky...that you had to be a bit girl guide/scout-ish..always be prepared.
I mean, I reflected at the time to when *I* was 17, and the foolish things I did then, and the things she would be exposed to..and i figured, forewarned is fore armed, or something like that (dunno about the spelling tho!) It worked for me, hopefully it worked for her too..You can't tell me at one stage in your life (or even now) that these wouldn't apply!
Few pointers from ta ming when I was 17.
1. Always trust instinct
2. Do not trust instinct when drunk or tipsy
3. Always say No unless ready.
4. Think 30 times before doing something DooBy!
5. DON'T get caught!
6. Strive to be good for yourself.
7. Always Love Tita Ming
8. If it feels uncomfy, get out of the situation ASAP
9. Always include the element of risk, but always apply rule 4 and 5
10. NO to anorexia, bulimia and rehab/detox
11. Always keep coins to call home
12. If he breaks up with you who cares......gorgeous paren!
13. Respect is earned
14. Be fair always and Dont litter!
15. **ommitted because it won't make sense to anyone :) **
16. At times of depression draw strength from those who love you
17. Drink responsibly, drive safely, buckle up, and smile, baka the guy in the other car is a cutie
I mean, I reflected at the time to when *I* was 17, and the foolish things I did then, and the things she would be exposed to..and i figured, forewarned is fore armed, or something like that (dunno about the spelling tho!) It worked for me, hopefully it worked for her too..You can't tell me at one stage in your life (or even now) that these wouldn't apply!
Few pointers from ta ming when I was 17.
1. Always trust instinct
2. Do not trust instinct when drunk or tipsy
3. Always say No unless ready.
4. Think 30 times before doing something DooBy!
5. DON'T get caught!
6. Strive to be good for yourself.
7. Always Love Tita Ming
8. If it feels uncomfy, get out of the situation ASAP
9. Always include the element of risk, but always apply rule 4 and 5
10. NO to anorexia, bulimia and rehab/detox
11. Always keep coins to call home
12. If he breaks up with you who cares......gorgeous paren!
13. Respect is earned
14. Be fair always and Dont litter!
15. **ommitted because it won't make sense to anyone :) **
16. At times of depression draw strength from those who love you
17. Drink responsibly, drive safely, buckle up, and smile, baka the guy in the other car is a cutie
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Trust issues
I knew I had trust issues, though you know, you would never imagine that I did with the way I talk, and talk so freely about anything that happens to me..
But yes, like everybody, there is some information about me that reach only those who are either 1)are in my circle of trust 2)need the information/interested in the information 3)someone who has incurred my wrath, and gets a LOT of information he he he..
You may think or it may seem that I am hard to hurt. Like I have this stoic attitude about things, that I can 'logic' anything to death and that I'm such a bitch, in all likelihood, whatever you say won't hurt me.
In some ways, yes, that is true. Especially for those whose opinions don't mean anything to me.
But sometimes, I am foolish enough to leave space for mistakes.
The good thingfrom this experience is, I feel. I appreciate the fact that I am feeling again.
The bad thing is, though the lie was small, minuscule in fact, my general trust issues are in the way and I feel as if I can't trust this person anymore. I know, unforgiving, but the deceit is still fresh (I know, deceit is a strong word, but it matches how I feel).
I have trust issues because of things that have happened to me in the past few years of my life. You take people's word for it. That they will change, that they will try better. You think people are sincere enough, like yourself to follow through, for the greater good, for the people they love...but they fall short of your expectations. And yes, I know, I have learned to expect less. Not to lower my expectations, but just reduce the value of the expectation. Rude, yes, internal mitigation measures that work sometimes need to be.
But again, am getting a better view of why I am reluctant to really let any potential significant other in..
But yes, like everybody, there is some information about me that reach only those who are either 1)are in my circle of trust 2)need the information/interested in the information 3)someone who has incurred my wrath, and gets a LOT of information he he he..
You may think or it may seem that I am hard to hurt. Like I have this stoic attitude about things, that I can 'logic' anything to death and that I'm such a bitch, in all likelihood, whatever you say won't hurt me.
In some ways, yes, that is true. Especially for those whose opinions don't mean anything to me.
But sometimes, I am foolish enough to leave space for mistakes.
The good thingfrom this experience is, I feel. I appreciate the fact that I am feeling again.
The bad thing is, though the lie was small, minuscule in fact, my general trust issues are in the way and I feel as if I can't trust this person anymore. I know, unforgiving, but the deceit is still fresh (I know, deceit is a strong word, but it matches how I feel).
I have trust issues because of things that have happened to me in the past few years of my life. You take people's word for it. That they will change, that they will try better. You think people are sincere enough, like yourself to follow through, for the greater good, for the people they love...but they fall short of your expectations. And yes, I know, I have learned to expect less. Not to lower my expectations, but just reduce the value of the expectation. Rude, yes, internal mitigation measures that work sometimes need to be.
But again, am getting a better view of why I am reluctant to really let any potential significant other in..
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Obsessed to the Nth degree
I'm obsessed, i know it, you know it.. Ha ha ha..so here is my horoscope..which I try not to believe really, but man, today, its soooooooo spot on.
The receptive Cancer Moon reflects the depth of our feelings today and we may be at the bottom of a well without any way to get out. Paradoxically, it is our fear that prevents us from climbing out. Sensitivity is a gift, but it can also tempt us to hide in the safety of our inner world. Sweet Venus, nearing the end of her retrograde phase, holds an irritating quincunx with erratic Uranus, so sudden flashes of desire can shock us into motion.
Damn. Like I said to Caeci, in my ever what the hell fashion,
'The breakthrough is I seriously feel. Na somewhat vulnerable or the opening for vulnerability and what do I do with that? Do I just slink back and tightly shut the operculum or come out and risk some hermit crab coming in to separate me from my shell?'
Yuck. Ha ha ha ha..if you can't laugh at yourself, someone else surely will!
The receptive Cancer Moon reflects the depth of our feelings today and we may be at the bottom of a well without any way to get out. Paradoxically, it is our fear that prevents us from climbing out. Sensitivity is a gift, but it can also tempt us to hide in the safety of our inner world. Sweet Venus, nearing the end of her retrograde phase, holds an irritating quincunx with erratic Uranus, so sudden flashes of desire can shock us into motion.
Damn. Like I said to Caeci, in my ever what the hell fashion,
'The breakthrough is I seriously feel. Na somewhat vulnerable or the opening for vulnerability and what do I do with that? Do I just slink back and tightly shut the operculum or come out and risk some hermit crab coming in to separate me from my shell?'
Yuck. Ha ha ha ha..if you can't laugh at yourself, someone else surely will!
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Ming updates week 10
I've been here for 10 weeks now, and I sent out an update to some people and thought to post it here.
To you who may have wanted to know more about the project I work on, especially since when I am asked how many megawatts or whatever this project generates and I can't answer..well, here it is :) (ay, not attaching it, if you want it, email me)..or check out www.namtheun2.com
All I know is I am loving it here, smog free, starbucks free and the third s, stress free (well, not really, but yeah, as stress free as its gonna get)..(and I don't need starbucks, we have an espresso machine in the office)
Just some updates on me...
1. Yes, i am still single....don't listen to the rumours..ha ha ha
2. Yes, I went to Phuket last week to meet up with some family and it was good,
3. Yes, I have lost weight (ha ha ha) considering all I can eat is rice and cucumber (well, some egg here and there, meat at times, and pasta when I make it or when I go to vientiane)..but not much yet..oh well.
4. No, I haven't finally decided if I am staying on or not, nor have I been made a solid offer, though my boss did say that they will work on my employment contract next month. I am still thinking about doing my PhD.
5. No I haven't gone seriously shopping yet (he he he)
6. Yes, I really do live with 5 boys, two of which are my bosses and they aren't there all the time. Only two of us really reside there (me and Marcel, he's dutch), the others come once in a while. I'm fine, promise.
7. And yes, I am surviving, quite well actually. Loving the work, loving the environment (I see nearly 180 degrees of sky, the rest is limestone mountains and paddy fields). I saw the sea for a few days (Andaman added to my list of seen seas now!) so I am set for a bit on ocean exposure needs.
Other than this, nothing much has changed. Email when you can, visit when you can..and bring food when you do, ha ha ha. oh and pens and pencils!
Hugs and love :)
Ming
To you who may have wanted to know more about the project I work on, especially since when I am asked how many megawatts or whatever this project generates and I can't answer..well, here it is :) (ay, not attaching it, if you want it, email me)..or check out www.namtheun2.com
All I know is I am loving it here, smog free, starbucks free and the third s, stress free (well, not really, but yeah, as stress free as its gonna get)..(and I don't need starbucks, we have an espresso machine in the office)
Just some updates on me...
1. Yes, i am still single....don't listen to the rumours..ha ha ha
2. Yes, I went to Phuket last week to meet up with some family and it was good,
3. Yes, I have lost weight (ha ha ha) considering all I can eat is rice and cucumber (well, some egg here and there, meat at times, and pasta when I make it or when I go to vientiane)..but not much yet..oh well.
4. No, I haven't finally decided if I am staying on or not, nor have I been made a solid offer, though my boss did say that they will work on my employment contract next month. I am still thinking about doing my PhD.
5. No I haven't gone seriously shopping yet (he he he)
6. Yes, I really do live with 5 boys, two of which are my bosses and they aren't there all the time. Only two of us really reside there (me and Marcel, he's dutch), the others come once in a while. I'm fine, promise.
7. And yes, I am surviving, quite well actually. Loving the work, loving the environment (I see nearly 180 degrees of sky, the rest is limestone mountains and paddy fields). I saw the sea for a few days (Andaman added to my list of seen seas now!) so I am set for a bit on ocean exposure needs.
Other than this, nothing much has changed. Email when you can, visit when you can..and bring food when you do, ha ha ha. oh and pens and pencils!
Hugs and love :)
Ming
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Rock Ed- No more excuses
I'm part of a group called Rock-Ed, and instead of me trying to explain what it is we do and what we stand for, let me direct you to Gang's page because she explains it perfectly.
http://gangbadoy.multiply.com/journal/item/3/Parang_Pitong_Libong_Isla
but usual ming style, I still have something to say..
In one way or another, we are all sick and tired of the status quo, sick and tired of the potholes in the road, and sick and f*cking tired of people that get away with stealing, lying and all the other bad things we shouldn't let them get away with....
But you know, we are still lucky, because we have the luxury to complain without actually feeling the hardship and life that millions of other people feel. We complain in the comfort of our airconditioned car or sitting around Starbucks, drinking our hot coffees and fraps..I'm not ridiculing you, because I complain in this comfort state too, but as you can see in my blogs and when you talk to me, I've made my choice, and that is to make no more excuses and to act and move somehow to make poverty history. I do this through environmental advocacy, through environmental awareness campaigns and by telling my friends everything I can about conservation. (and also thru futkal! support futkal!)
Now the choice is yours..in this time of environmental change (for the worse!), political turmoil, developed, developing and less developed country categories (how fucking politically correct is that!??)..
we are no longer homo sapiens, we are now homo economicus, homo urbanicus (or something, read this somewhere, economist ata)..we have evolved, but have we evolved for the better?
Again, the choice is yours, what are you going to do to help change the world?
http://gangbadoy.multiply.com/journal/item/3/Parang_Pitong_Libong_Isla
but usual ming style, I still have something to say..
In one way or another, we are all sick and tired of the status quo, sick and tired of the potholes in the road, and sick and f*cking tired of people that get away with stealing, lying and all the other bad things we shouldn't let them get away with....
But you know, we are still lucky, because we have the luxury to complain without actually feeling the hardship and life that millions of other people feel. We complain in the comfort of our airconditioned car or sitting around Starbucks, drinking our hot coffees and fraps..I'm not ridiculing you, because I complain in this comfort state too, but as you can see in my blogs and when you talk to me, I've made my choice, and that is to make no more excuses and to act and move somehow to make poverty history. I do this through environmental advocacy, through environmental awareness campaigns and by telling my friends everything I can about conservation. (and also thru futkal! support futkal!)
Now the choice is yours..in this time of environmental change (for the worse!), political turmoil, developed, developing and less developed country categories (how fucking politically correct is that!??)..
we are no longer homo sapiens, we are now homo economicus, homo urbanicus (or something, read this somewhere, economist ata)..we have evolved, but have we evolved for the better?
Again, the choice is yours, what are you going to do to help change the world?
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Vientiane Revisited
About six months ago, or less, I went to Vientiane.
I was there for business, not really up to meeting anyone new, but I did and me meeting him reminded me that life is too short not to be passionate about life and that there are good guys out there..somewhere.
And now, its my second visit. I was a little hesitant, knowing that the last time I was here I met that Tyler.. But you know..I was hesitant because I didn't want to change the good vibes I got from that night, change it with new ones..i just thought it would be unfair to the memory..
But I had to, to get my passport, to get my cheque, to take a break, to do some seriously seriously needed shopping.
I had intended to have a quiet night, not meet people..not be an extrovert..hay..plans change!
I met this guy (who thought he was killer hot, as in. Well, in fairness, he kinda was..but yuh, his teeth were medjo too european for me..(basta, if you know what i mean, YOu KNOW what I mean!) but he was nice...medjo pa feeling pero k lang..but as I ate there at the Scandanavian Bakery, he made pa eye contact eye contact, and I gave in and talked to him..which is good because 3 other people, two girls and one boy, introduced themselves to us, and that, is how you make, a random group of foreigners.
We had dinner together, we talked about ourselves..we did the whole introducing thing during dinner, telling each other things that you wouldn't even tell some friends (I mean not close friends ah, as in friends friends) and these are strangers!
But you know, I had fun.. On day 2 Bec, Dominik and I, we went shopping together, we went clubbing together the night before, and then we had dinner together! We had steak and chips..yum.
On day 3 I played football with Dominik (Austrian) and Tommy (Israeli) and had dinner at Marcel's because they were having a housewarming.
I got my first dose of cultural differences that night..as I sat down next to these two girls that I got introduced to earlier, these two other said something in lao and then they all giggled (ahh women) and so I said, sorry what?
She said "Tai said us three sit together is a good thing, we all the same, we all fat"
and I said "WHAT?" (keep in mind, I have just met ALL these people 20 mins earlier)
and she said "Fat, you know, chubby"
Okay, yes, I am not slim, not thin, not svelte and no, I will never be thai/lao thin. But talk about cultural difference, NEVER will you have a stranger (unless drunk or demented) in Manila to say "hang out with them y'all match, y'all fat!"
Luckily I am still emotionally off..i asked marcel later on and he said yeah, they don't have that sensitivity issue with weight here..
But yeah, Vientiane ver 2.0 didn't go so badly.
Marcel picked me up on his motorbike (little does he know this scares the f*&^ out of me) and took me to the party and I got to hang out and meet new people...i loved it :)
Oh, and I got to shop. I was having shoppers anxiety na not being able to shop for 3 weeks...
ttfn!
I was there for business, not really up to meeting anyone new, but I did and me meeting him reminded me that life is too short not to be passionate about life and that there are good guys out there..somewhere.
And now, its my second visit. I was a little hesitant, knowing that the last time I was here I met that Tyler.. But you know..I was hesitant because I didn't want to change the good vibes I got from that night, change it with new ones..i just thought it would be unfair to the memory..
But I had to, to get my passport, to get my cheque, to take a break, to do some seriously seriously needed shopping.
I had intended to have a quiet night, not meet people..not be an extrovert..hay..plans change!
I met this guy (who thought he was killer hot, as in. Well, in fairness, he kinda was..but yuh, his teeth were medjo too european for me..(basta, if you know what i mean, YOu KNOW what I mean!) but he was nice...medjo pa feeling pero k lang..but as I ate there at the Scandanavian Bakery, he made pa eye contact eye contact, and I gave in and talked to him..which is good because 3 other people, two girls and one boy, introduced themselves to us, and that, is how you make, a random group of foreigners.
We had dinner together, we talked about ourselves..we did the whole introducing thing during dinner, telling each other things that you wouldn't even tell some friends (I mean not close friends ah, as in friends friends) and these are strangers!
But you know, I had fun.. On day 2 Bec, Dominik and I, we went shopping together, we went clubbing together the night before, and then we had dinner together! We had steak and chips..yum.
On day 3 I played football with Dominik (Austrian) and Tommy (Israeli) and had dinner at Marcel's because they were having a housewarming.
I got my first dose of cultural differences that night..as I sat down next to these two girls that I got introduced to earlier, these two other said something in lao and then they all giggled (ahh women) and so I said, sorry what?
She said "Tai said us three sit together is a good thing, we all the same, we all fat"
and I said "WHAT?" (keep in mind, I have just met ALL these people 20 mins earlier)
and she said "Fat, you know, chubby"
Okay, yes, I am not slim, not thin, not svelte and no, I will never be thai/lao thin. But talk about cultural difference, NEVER will you have a stranger (unless drunk or demented) in Manila to say "hang out with them y'all match, y'all fat!"
Luckily I am still emotionally off..i asked marcel later on and he said yeah, they don't have that sensitivity issue with weight here..
But yeah, Vientiane ver 2.0 didn't go so badly.
Marcel picked me up on his motorbike (little does he know this scares the f*&^ out of me) and took me to the party and I got to hang out and meet new people...i loved it :)
Oh, and I got to shop. I was having shoppers anxiety na not being able to shop for 3 weeks...
ttfn!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Emergency Happy Thoughts (EHT strategy paper)
The only, I will use the word problem, but its not really a problem..anyway..The only problem with going away and finding some peace for your soul and for your mind to defrag* is that you also have a lot time to think and evaluate your life. Well, then again, that is the point. The way to defrag is to sift through thoughts and experiences and organize them into little box folders in your brain, methodically punching holes and placing the pages in ring binders, putting headers like ‘don’t do THAT again’ or ‘Emergency Happy Thoughts’ on the outside for easy referencing.
Okay, yeah yeah I know..this isn’t how its done, but I like to think that this is the way my mind does it (because I am so OC when it comes to notes and periodicals)..
Anyway…
My day is full, every day. I wake at 6:40 which is no easy feat for me and am ready by 7:05 every day. I ride down the escarpment to my office, the beautiful morning ride takes about half an hour. On the way down while watching the scenery which differs daily (more mist, less mist, more green, less green, more blue sky today, dark moody sky tomorrow) while talking to Marcel on whatever the topic of the morning is (today it was about diving and holidays). Eat breakfast at the office and start work at 8. Work til 12 (with some surfing breaks, obviously), lunch at 12 either at RNT, the French camp, or here at the office with the local staff. (ahh, the food, yet another blog entry waiting to happen), then lunch break for half an hour of sitting around chatting and checking email. I should end work at 5 but I usually work til about 5:30, or whenever Marcel asks if I am ready to go and play badminton. We play badminton until I see the futsal people show up and then I ditch Marcel to go play futsal with boys who are now finally accepting me as a boy (I now get shoved and kicked in the shins like any other player), then go back to Marcel to have a last round of badminton. Then we end this all around 8 or so, then dinner, either at the EM-1 camp, RNT or the Vietnam Road down here in Gnommalath. Or sometimes we go up a little early, back to Nakai and get dropped off at the Environment complex to eat with the other E&S staff, then walk back to our camp..half an hour walk. Again, walking, not one of my finer qualities!
So yeah, full full day from waking to bedtime..but you know, its killer stress free. My main issue yesterday is if I could buy yoghurt and if it would keep long enough before I get it to my fridge! So, this means that I have some pockets of time to think and my stress free mind is defragging continuously.
Which takes me back to my problem of evaluation. (see, the word issue doesn’t fit either..I guess I could call it a thing)…back to my thing about evaluation..
The normal questions ofcourse are:
How am I? What am I doing? Is everything alright? What else do I have to do? Do I have a good plan? Am I flexible enough? How do I treat the people around me? Am I a good person?
Then ofcourse, with the extra space from the lack of stress you also think:
Where am I now in my life, is this where I want to be?
Why things do happen to you when they do and what is the best way of handling things?
Have I handled things that have happened to me in the best way possible?
What do I like or not like about myself?
Are you really alright?
You see where I am going with this yeah? I mean, I am not one to avoid confrontation, especially when it’s the healthy sort, but it can still be daunting and overwhelming!
The hardest part is you are looking at all of this in the harsh light of self evaluation, the most critical critic, the most difficult person to please, yourself.
And this is where that grain of salt (or sugar) should come in (that comes out of your ‘Emergency Happy Thoughts” box)
I have a great family who are supportive and real. I have extremely supportive parents (somewhat overprotective, but such is life) and my immediate family (neices, nephews, cousins and siblings) are not only family, but also my friends.
I have many friends and I have a good diverse set of really good friends and I have my handful of people I would trust my life with, the circle of trust.
I have a good fulfilling job that helps me help the world (Go PLANET!) and lets me afford my lifestyle (eek!)
I’m nearly at the stage where I can say I am reasonably happy with how I look, no matter how many times you compare me against Naomi (ha ha ha, the poor nurse Nomes!)
I may be single, but life is good and if the right person who loves me comes, then he will. And if he doesn’t, well, I’ll just have kids :P
I’m a decent person who can be too nice, but then again, I can be quite a bitch, healthy combination.
Hmmm. I think I have just cheered myself up.
I guess the moral of the story is, you should know (normally) that your worst critic is yourself and that life is too short to be that harsh on yourself… live life responsibly, love life with passion and have a drink to celebrate!
*defrag- defragment: computer term that sorts through your files and reorganizes them and takes a look at the bad sectors and then reports back to you the status
Okay, yeah yeah I know..this isn’t how its done, but I like to think that this is the way my mind does it (because I am so OC when it comes to notes and periodicals)..
Anyway…
My day is full, every day. I wake at 6:40 which is no easy feat for me and am ready by 7:05 every day. I ride down the escarpment to my office, the beautiful morning ride takes about half an hour. On the way down while watching the scenery which differs daily (more mist, less mist, more green, less green, more blue sky today, dark moody sky tomorrow) while talking to Marcel on whatever the topic of the morning is (today it was about diving and holidays). Eat breakfast at the office and start work at 8. Work til 12 (with some surfing breaks, obviously), lunch at 12 either at RNT, the French camp, or here at the office with the local staff. (ahh, the food, yet another blog entry waiting to happen), then lunch break for half an hour of sitting around chatting and checking email. I should end work at 5 but I usually work til about 5:30, or whenever Marcel asks if I am ready to go and play badminton. We play badminton until I see the futsal people show up and then I ditch Marcel to go play futsal with boys who are now finally accepting me as a boy (I now get shoved and kicked in the shins like any other player), then go back to Marcel to have a last round of badminton. Then we end this all around 8 or so, then dinner, either at the EM-1 camp, RNT or the Vietnam Road down here in Gnommalath. Or sometimes we go up a little early, back to Nakai and get dropped off at the Environment complex to eat with the other E&S staff, then walk back to our camp..half an hour walk. Again, walking, not one of my finer qualities!
So yeah, full full day from waking to bedtime..but you know, its killer stress free. My main issue yesterday is if I could buy yoghurt and if it would keep long enough before I get it to my fridge! So, this means that I have some pockets of time to think and my stress free mind is defragging continuously.
Which takes me back to my problem of evaluation. (see, the word issue doesn’t fit either..I guess I could call it a thing)…back to my thing about evaluation..
The normal questions ofcourse are:
How am I? What am I doing? Is everything alright? What else do I have to do? Do I have a good plan? Am I flexible enough? How do I treat the people around me? Am I a good person?
Then ofcourse, with the extra space from the lack of stress you also think:
Where am I now in my life, is this where I want to be?
Why things do happen to you when they do and what is the best way of handling things?
Have I handled things that have happened to me in the best way possible?
What do I like or not like about myself?
Are you really alright?
You see where I am going with this yeah? I mean, I am not one to avoid confrontation, especially when it’s the healthy sort, but it can still be daunting and overwhelming!
The hardest part is you are looking at all of this in the harsh light of self evaluation, the most critical critic, the most difficult person to please, yourself.
And this is where that grain of salt (or sugar) should come in (that comes out of your ‘Emergency Happy Thoughts” box)
I have a great family who are supportive and real. I have extremely supportive parents (somewhat overprotective, but such is life) and my immediate family (neices, nephews, cousins and siblings) are not only family, but also my friends.
I have many friends and I have a good diverse set of really good friends and I have my handful of people I would trust my life with, the circle of trust.
I have a good fulfilling job that helps me help the world (Go PLANET!) and lets me afford my lifestyle (eek!)
I’m nearly at the stage where I can say I am reasonably happy with how I look, no matter how many times you compare me against Naomi (ha ha ha, the poor nurse Nomes!)
I may be single, but life is good and if the right person who loves me comes, then he will. And if he doesn’t, well, I’ll just have kids :P
I’m a decent person who can be too nice, but then again, I can be quite a bitch, healthy combination.
Hmmm. I think I have just cheered myself up.
I guess the moral of the story is, you should know (normally) that your worst critic is yourself and that life is too short to be that harsh on yourself… live life responsibly, love life with passion and have a drink to celebrate!
*defrag- defragment: computer term that sorts through your files and reorganizes them and takes a look at the bad sectors and then reports back to you the status
Friday, July 06, 2007
Choices we have, choices we make
Yesterday I met someone who used to make less than ten dollars a month. He worked for a hotel in Vientiane where he made 60,000 kip per month, half of which he spent on English lessons so that he could get better jobs.
He may be making more money now, now that he works for the NTPC project as a driver..hopefully a lot more but I wasn’t willing to ask him how much he makes now because then he might ask me how much I make and that would just be embarrassing.
See that? He spent HALF his meager earnings on his plan to make life better. He didn’t just sit at home and hope for the best. He didn’t rely on someone else to fix it for him.
This thought just brought me back to people (I know) who choose to do nothing when there are people in the world who have no choice.
Yesterday also I bought some groceries (some juice, three eggs, dishwashing liquid, tuna, onions and a few other things) and it cost me 200,000 kip. (exchange rate is 1 USD to 9300 kip) I spent 20 dollars. He makes less than half of what I spent in 20 mins in ONE MONTH.
This is not a sermon or a litany on the haves and have nots. I’m not saying feel guilty about the good things we have in life. I too, buy expensive shoes, jeans and whatever else that I spend my money on, but I work hard for it, like most people do.
But what you should do is be grateful and thankful for the blessings, and when you can, give back. It doesn’t have to be money, it can be old clothes, it can be food, or even just your time.
The half way point of the Millennium Development Goals is today, July 7, 2007. Read
He may be making more money now, now that he works for the NTPC project as a driver..hopefully a lot more but I wasn’t willing to ask him how much he makes now because then he might ask me how much I make and that would just be embarrassing.
See that? He spent HALF his meager earnings on his plan to make life better. He didn’t just sit at home and hope for the best. He didn’t rely on someone else to fix it for him.
This thought just brought me back to people (I know) who choose to do nothing when there are people in the world who have no choice.
Yesterday also I bought some groceries (some juice, three eggs, dishwashing liquid, tuna, onions and a few other things) and it cost me 200,000 kip. (exchange rate is 1 USD to 9300 kip) I spent 20 dollars. He makes less than half of what I spent in 20 mins in ONE MONTH.
This is not a sermon or a litany on the haves and have nots. I’m not saying feel guilty about the good things we have in life. I too, buy expensive shoes, jeans and whatever else that I spend my money on, but I work hard for it, like most people do.
But what you should do is be grateful and thankful for the blessings, and when you can, give back. It doesn’t have to be money, it can be old clothes, it can be food, or even just your time.
The half way point of the Millennium Development Goals is today, July 7, 2007. Read
Friday, May 25, 2007
Professor Pedro Alviola III, 1948-2007
I'm not good with death.
I mean, I'm good in the sense that I seriously believe that there is a God and if you have faith and repent and all that, you will go to heaven, but I have a bad case of separation anxiety.
I have this specialist consultant, his name is Pete Alviola. We call him Prof, Prof A, Sir Pete and Prof Alviola. We always crack jokes that he could name that bird in one squawk because he is one hell of a terrestrial biologist. I'm absolutely serious. He knows things just looking at the nest! One time, he just looked up, raised an ear and named the bird, giving off his text book line up of habitat, feeding regime, reproductive habits and basic identification features! He also does flora, and can rattle off tree names, species, usual diseases of the trees, usual healing qualities of the bark or leaves...man this guy is unbelieveable.
I went to Brunei with him for my first project here in Halcrow. I was team leader, manager, trip organizer, lunch payer, driver, hotel peace keeper..my room was the meeting room, beer room and eating room. I bonded with my consultants because we were there for 14 days doing an EIA.
One day I had only one car and had to drop people off here and there and find a boat to rent for oceanography (without using myself as partial payment, much to Sir K's discussion with the Brunei man's dismay)..and I had to leave Sir Pete out in the woods with only a bottle of water..the dialogue went like this:
MFO: SIr, I have to leave you here, sorry ha, I have to go get the boat eh..will you be okay?
PA: Ofcourse! Okay lang yan! Relax ka lang! Its Good! Okay lang yan!
MFO: But Sir, you have no food, water lang, sorry talaga!
PA: I have sky flakes here in my bag and some hopia, don't worry! Okay lang yan!
I think he told me not to worry all the time. I'm such a worry wart. Trying to handle 12 consultants at once is no easy task, but he made it much lighter with his easy banter and good natured attitude.. I've worked with him on many projects, he is one of my favourite specialists.
He was so old school too. He submitted his reports on floppy disks and on yellow pad..he's just so cute its unbelieveable.
One time I thought I lost him when I sent him to Brunei alone. I didn't want to call his wife and alarm her, but I had to after a while. Even she told me to relax and that he was probably already there, and lo and behold, she was right.
Sir Pete passed away yesterday. He was on his motorbike in LB to buy some basics for the house and his bike was side swiped. He seemed uninjured and was even lucid for an hour, but then fell into a coma at the hospital because he sustained internal injuries.
He will be sorely missed and I hope I can get all my friends to pray for his soul.
He was a GREAT biologist. One of the best in the Philippines. He was a GREAT consultant, as he submitted things on time and in killer detail. He was an EXTREMELY Intelligent man who knew many things, even not related to his work. He was an EXTREMELY kind man, who helped me see that I shouldn't worry so much and things will be fine.
He was a good person with a kind heart.
Professor Pedro Alviola III, my terrestrial biologist.
I mean, I'm good in the sense that I seriously believe that there is a God and if you have faith and repent and all that, you will go to heaven, but I have a bad case of separation anxiety.
I have this specialist consultant, his name is Pete Alviola. We call him Prof, Prof A, Sir Pete and Prof Alviola. We always crack jokes that he could name that bird in one squawk because he is one hell of a terrestrial biologist. I'm absolutely serious. He knows things just looking at the nest! One time, he just looked up, raised an ear and named the bird, giving off his text book line up of habitat, feeding regime, reproductive habits and basic identification features! He also does flora, and can rattle off tree names, species, usual diseases of the trees, usual healing qualities of the bark or leaves...man this guy is unbelieveable.
I went to Brunei with him for my first project here in Halcrow. I was team leader, manager, trip organizer, lunch payer, driver, hotel peace keeper..my room was the meeting room, beer room and eating room. I bonded with my consultants because we were there for 14 days doing an EIA.
One day I had only one car and had to drop people off here and there and find a boat to rent for oceanography (without using myself as partial payment, much to Sir K's discussion with the Brunei man's dismay)..and I had to leave Sir Pete out in the woods with only a bottle of water..the dialogue went like this:
MFO: SIr, I have to leave you here, sorry ha, I have to go get the boat eh..will you be okay?
PA: Ofcourse! Okay lang yan! Relax ka lang! Its Good! Okay lang yan!
MFO: But Sir, you have no food, water lang, sorry talaga!
PA: I have sky flakes here in my bag and some hopia, don't worry! Okay lang yan!
I think he told me not to worry all the time. I'm such a worry wart. Trying to handle 12 consultants at once is no easy task, but he made it much lighter with his easy banter and good natured attitude.. I've worked with him on many projects, he is one of my favourite specialists.
He was so old school too. He submitted his reports on floppy disks and on yellow pad..he's just so cute its unbelieveable.
One time I thought I lost him when I sent him to Brunei alone. I didn't want to call his wife and alarm her, but I had to after a while. Even she told me to relax and that he was probably already there, and lo and behold, she was right.
Sir Pete passed away yesterday. He was on his motorbike in LB to buy some basics for the house and his bike was side swiped. He seemed uninjured and was even lucid for an hour, but then fell into a coma at the hospital because he sustained internal injuries.
He will be sorely missed and I hope I can get all my friends to pray for his soul.
He was a GREAT biologist. One of the best in the Philippines. He was a GREAT consultant, as he submitted things on time and in killer detail. He was an EXTREMELY Intelligent man who knew many things, even not related to his work. He was an EXTREMELY kind man, who helped me see that I shouldn't worry so much and things will be fine.
He was a good person with a kind heart.
Professor Pedro Alviola III, my terrestrial biologist.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
It's time to go for now
I've given it much thought, and have been bribed in different ways to change my mind. From mere guilt trips to offers of loan disregard to a very inticing payment of my PhD but, I have decided, for at least the next six months from July, that its time for me to move on.
Unlikely that its forever, and I will probably be home more often that I think, but I need the development work to fuel the drive that I have in conservation and development, I need the cash (ha ha ha ) to sustain my bad habits and to save at long last, and..quite importantly, I need the space.
I am a nomad by nature, waiting for the time when I would be gently coerced into settling, not down but just settling in place..not stationary but steady.
one day, and as tancio said, it will all fall into place.
Unlikely that its forever, and I will probably be home more often that I think, but I need the development work to fuel the drive that I have in conservation and development, I need the cash (ha ha ha ) to sustain my bad habits and to save at long last, and..quite importantly, I need the space.
I am a nomad by nature, waiting for the time when I would be gently coerced into settling, not down but just settling in place..not stationary but steady.
one day, and as tancio said, it will all fall into place.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Malibu Ming
Its been confirmed, the topamax has made me an airhead, and my other drug, duprixil or something, is a cerebral oxygenator, which literally means airhead..ha ha ha
Well, today, Nomes and I went to the docs to get all my results and they are all good so thanks to everyone who said a little prayer for me. But Naomi got to experience Malibu Ming first hand.
First of all, I lost my lisensha. Not lost as in nawala, lost as in mr pulis took it! I turned right on pasay road to paseo and it was a filter light but I thought it was green, oh well..so the drugs, well, they help me care a little less, so I gave it to the powlice who heed and hawed a little, expecting me to negotiate (which I wouldn't anyway, but I would usually try to sweet talk), well not today. I went on joking with nomes about how I was getting a ticket for a misbehaving (the violation is disobedience!)
And then we went to Honda to look at a Jazz, and the security tried to give me grief, but I just let it go, no argument, no flack, nothing..Naomi said she felt like she was in the twilight zone..
But alas, I have requested to be taken off the drugs, so tonight, Malibu Ming says good night, adieu and good bye..so this is my last airhead blog *god forbid, hopefully ever!*
Well, today, Nomes and I went to the docs to get all my results and they are all good so thanks to everyone who said a little prayer for me. But Naomi got to experience Malibu Ming first hand.
First of all, I lost my lisensha. Not lost as in nawala, lost as in mr pulis took it! I turned right on pasay road to paseo and it was a filter light but I thought it was green, oh well..so the drugs, well, they help me care a little less, so I gave it to the powlice who heed and hawed a little, expecting me to negotiate (which I wouldn't anyway, but I would usually try to sweet talk), well not today. I went on joking with nomes about how I was getting a ticket for a misbehaving (the violation is disobedience!)
And then we went to Honda to look at a Jazz, and the security tried to give me grief, but I just let it go, no argument, no flack, nothing..Naomi said she felt like she was in the twilight zone..
But alas, I have requested to be taken off the drugs, so tonight, Malibu Ming says good night, adieu and good bye..so this is my last airhead blog *god forbid, hopefully ever!*
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Airhead alert
If you have ever wanted to take advantage of me, now is the perfect time. I am drugged up and spaced out and you know what it is making me feel like, a quintessential dumb airhead (oh f$#%, well maybe not, dumb airheads don't use the word quintessential) ANWYAY.
No seriously..I am on Topamax..I feeeel like an airhead. I feel like I care a little less, giggle a little more, the edges feel a little less rough..its like mood altering medication. And I'm like this for 15 days!
I had a good day actually. I took a quick break with my co sex-star friends to catch up since we haven't had time for two beers in a while. busy scheds eh! Man do I miss my friends! (no gogz, this is not a blog about my updates!)
I also had a good evening. Went out with good friends and a happy dinner with Karl and Francis. Francis is off to KL to paint KL red (EXPAT is EX FAT!
The rest of the gang eventually followed and it was great to see them. Niel is always a pleasure to see!
Okay, let me go now. I have a headache. And this medication is supposed to make this headache go away. hassle. But its alright, I feel like Cher from Clueless. Beauty!!
No seriously..I am on Topamax..I feeeel like an airhead. I feel like I care a little less, giggle a little more, the edges feel a little less rough..its like mood altering medication. And I'm like this for 15 days!
I had a good day actually. I took a quick break with my co sex-star friends to catch up since we haven't had time for two beers in a while. busy scheds eh! Man do I miss my friends! (no gogz, this is not a blog about my updates!)
I also had a good evening. Went out with good friends and a happy dinner with Karl and Francis. Francis is off to KL to paint KL red (EXPAT is EX FAT!
The rest of the gang eventually followed and it was great to see them. Niel is always a pleasure to see!
Okay, let me go now. I have a headache. And this medication is supposed to make this headache go away. hassle. But its alright, I feel like Cher from Clueless. Beauty!!
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Comfort in all the wrong places
Sometimes, in times of trouble, we find comfort in all the wrong places. We call the wrong person, we text the wrong thing, we make the worst statements..and all because we make wrong decisions in times of trouble.
F#@$. what a statement.. see. I don't even know what I want to say and Im trying to allude to something but I don't want to so I make crappy statements. hay.
My excuse is I have a bad headache so give me a break.
F#@$. what a statement.. see. I don't even know what I want to say and Im trying to allude to something but I don't want to so I make crappy statements. hay.
My excuse is I have a bad headache so give me a break.
A better blog tomorrow
Apologies for the last blog. If you shift between my friendster and multiply one, you see the slight differences in the ones posted and the ones I post in one and not the other. Thank you Clare for the affirmation. I am soooo f$#%^ng sure everyone has made a bad call at one time or another except they choose not to acknowledge it. I don't regret bad decisions. trust me I have made one too many phone calls or texts in bad states, but i only say things I really mean to say but didn't have the courage to say (and needed half a bottle of stoli to say it)..i digress.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't have a bad weekend, though I did have a bit of a bittersweet weekend since I got some good and bad news but I did have a good breakthrough this weekend, something unexpected, but surely good.
anyway..tomorrow I will write a better blog. Once I have a few things in line and a clearer view of a few things in my life.
Hope you had a great May 1 Labour Day Holiday :)
Don't get me wrong, I didn't have a bad weekend, though I did have a bit of a bittersweet weekend since I got some good and bad news but I did have a good breakthrough this weekend, something unexpected, but surely good.
anyway..tomorrow I will write a better blog. Once I have a few things in line and a clearer view of a few things in my life.
Hope you had a great May 1 Labour Day Holiday :)
Monday, March 12, 2007
I feel
You know. feelings can slap you when you least expect it. The good thing is, sometimes, its a good feeling that you get and it can be quite surprising when you do feel it.
Anyone who knows me, knows what I am going through, chapter by chapter..so yeah, feeling something good, is...a breakthrough.
I met someone...now I don't know if I will ever see this guy again, but I met him sitting on a riverside cafe, facing the mekong here in Vientiane. He spoke to me, though I did see him sitting there anyway as I was looking for a familiar face (in a country I know noone..smart girl).. and then he said he was going to go check out this club and if I wanted to join him..so yeah, I said yeah..total stranger and all, but you know, I can take care of myself to some extent..
but the tagline is, we had dinner, we talked a lot, we played pool (and believe it or not he beat me! had beers and walked around and went dancing..and that was it. A quick goodbye, i tried to shake his hand but he actually went in for the hug, which was cute and surprising...like familiar and friendly, like it was normal.
And in one quick move, my passion to make friends and care and hope and all those things that go with love and respect and trust ..well..it came back to life.
Who would have ever guessed that that is all it took.
Will we meet again? It doesn't matter...It's more the revival of the feeling that I thought was lost, or buried deep in there somewhere that has me excited :)
Anyone who knows me, knows what I am going through, chapter by chapter..so yeah, feeling something good, is...a breakthrough.
I met someone...now I don't know if I will ever see this guy again, but I met him sitting on a riverside cafe, facing the mekong here in Vientiane. He spoke to me, though I did see him sitting there anyway as I was looking for a familiar face (in a country I know noone..smart girl).. and then he said he was going to go check out this club and if I wanted to join him..so yeah, I said yeah..total stranger and all, but you know, I can take care of myself to some extent..
but the tagline is, we had dinner, we talked a lot, we played pool (and believe it or not he beat me! had beers and walked around and went dancing..and that was it. A quick goodbye, i tried to shake his hand but he actually went in for the hug, which was cute and surprising...like familiar and friendly, like it was normal.
And in one quick move, my passion to make friends and care and hope and all those things that go with love and respect and trust ..well..it came back to life.
Who would have ever guessed that that is all it took.
Will we meet again? It doesn't matter...It's more the revival of the feeling that I thought was lost, or buried deep in there somewhere that has me excited :)
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
With baited breath
Sometimes you feel like a boulder, large and cumbersome but with substance and breadth. Too large to move, but too small to build a city on. The boulder feels good, stable and relaxed. Like an elderly statesman, nodding and ahhing, full of information, full of thoughts and ideas. Like a school of thought. Like an institution unto yourself... until you absorb everything around you...
Sometimes you feel like the newbie pebble..rolling down a hill, gathering speed and collecting things along the way..good and bad things, happy and sad experiences, rolling towards the bottom of the hill when you will actually again, be the size of a boulder with all the things that you have accumulated on the way down.
Both states are good. Like Clare said in her nice blog, (something like) happiness does not mean you don't feel unhappy-- happy is not being devoid of unhappiness!
But how about me? Am I a boulder right now or am I the pebble pelting its way down that hill?
Well, I'm thinking I'm a pebble on the edge of the top of the hill, holding my breath because if I move an inch, or even exhale, well, I could be onto that next adventure..and the question is, am I ready for it?
Sometimes you feel like the newbie pebble..rolling down a hill, gathering speed and collecting things along the way..good and bad things, happy and sad experiences, rolling towards the bottom of the hill when you will actually again, be the size of a boulder with all the things that you have accumulated on the way down.
Both states are good. Like Clare said in her nice blog, (something like) happiness does not mean you don't feel unhappy-- happy is not being devoid of unhappiness!
But how about me? Am I a boulder right now or am I the pebble pelting its way down that hill?
Well, I'm thinking I'm a pebble on the edge of the top of the hill, holding my breath because if I move an inch, or even exhale, well, I could be onto that next adventure..and the question is, am I ready for it?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
I dunno anymore..
I wrote this blog some time early Feb..before my fiasco weekend, but it didn't save when I pressed save and publish, so I am going to try again.
*Warning: this blog is not the happiest of blogs, and though it ends on a happy note, well, its still a bit dark, don't say you weren't warned.*
Tragedies come in different shapes and sizes and one can only hope that you are strong enough to endure.
One big mother of a tragedy is a death or a near death in a family.
It's actually quite easy to say how sorry you are for someone you know, but actually, when you know someone quite well, you know that all the sorries in the world don't help. Ofcourse people mean well but it doesn't really penetrate through the haze that you are currently in.
For example, the tsunami tragedy in Thailand bonded people in ways that we can only imagine.
One thing though, is that you switch off (well, I did). As if your body knows that you can't really take much more of anything..and when it does this, well..you don't really know how to switch it back on. I mean yeah, you get back to some semblance of normalcy but its not really the same. Emotions are just hard to understand. When you feel sad, you feel a dull ache, when you are happy, same dull ache. When you are angry..well, yeah, dull ache..so how do you distinguish love or real love at that?
I am sure I am not the only person who has experienced this, and so.. I am going to name the club the tragic club.
Because its a tragedy that brings you into the club and its tragic that you had to even join it. Its a club that once you are a member, well, you're a member for life. You will always feel the bond with someone, and i would even stretch to *anyone* who has gone through the death or near death of someone you are close to. I am not starting a club nor is there such a club as this, I just wanted to name it for literary purposes.
I even recall a time when I was not part of this club. My friend's dad passed away. And I felt really bad for her. I didn't want to say sorry, or offer condolences because as if that really soothes the pain. On the other hand, I didn't really know how she felt...until my sister's near death experience. We (my friend and I) spoke after the dust settled, and I tell you, I saw her pain (years and years AFTER her dad passed away) in a different light, a more familiar light, and she saw now too, that I knew how she felt and could talk about it differently..
Being a member of this club is not good. It means you have experienced pain. But I have to admit there is comfort in knowing that you are not alone in what you feel, even though you know that when people say 'over time the pain will go away' its a lie, it won't..You learn to cope with it, to enjoy life in other ways, but every time you access the memories, the pain is AS vivid, and as potent as it was, bringing you to tears. But like I said, there is comfort in knowing that you have a friend or friends who know how best to console you at the right time, because they know EXACTLY how you fee.
*again, apologies..sad, but true..*
*Warning: this blog is not the happiest of blogs, and though it ends on a happy note, well, its still a bit dark, don't say you weren't warned.*
Tragedies come in different shapes and sizes and one can only hope that you are strong enough to endure.
One big mother of a tragedy is a death or a near death in a family.
It's actually quite easy to say how sorry you are for someone you know, but actually, when you know someone quite well, you know that all the sorries in the world don't help. Ofcourse people mean well but it doesn't really penetrate through the haze that you are currently in.
For example, the tsunami tragedy in Thailand bonded people in ways that we can only imagine.
One thing though, is that you switch off (well, I did). As if your body knows that you can't really take much more of anything..and when it does this, well..you don't really know how to switch it back on. I mean yeah, you get back to some semblance of normalcy but its not really the same. Emotions are just hard to understand. When you feel sad, you feel a dull ache, when you are happy, same dull ache. When you are angry..well, yeah, dull ache..so how do you distinguish love or real love at that?
I am sure I am not the only person who has experienced this, and so.. I am going to name the club the tragic club.
Because its a tragedy that brings you into the club and its tragic that you had to even join it. Its a club that once you are a member, well, you're a member for life. You will always feel the bond with someone, and i would even stretch to *anyone* who has gone through the death or near death of someone you are close to. I am not starting a club nor is there such a club as this, I just wanted to name it for literary purposes.
I even recall a time when I was not part of this club. My friend's dad passed away. And I felt really bad for her. I didn't want to say sorry, or offer condolences because as if that really soothes the pain. On the other hand, I didn't really know how she felt...until my sister's near death experience. We (my friend and I) spoke after the dust settled, and I tell you, I saw her pain (years and years AFTER her dad passed away) in a different light, a more familiar light, and she saw now too, that I knew how she felt and could talk about it differently..
Being a member of this club is not good. It means you have experienced pain. But I have to admit there is comfort in knowing that you are not alone in what you feel, even though you know that when people say 'over time the pain will go away' its a lie, it won't..You learn to cope with it, to enjoy life in other ways, but every time you access the memories, the pain is AS vivid, and as potent as it was, bringing you to tears. But like I said, there is comfort in knowing that you have a friend or friends who know how best to console you at the right time, because they know EXACTLY how you fee.
*again, apologies..sad, but true..*
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Fears and the fear you fear
Every day is a new day to learn something new..even of the people that you thought you knew, but realize, after a while, after a few discussions..that you didn't know this person as well as you thought. But I am not afraid of learning these new things, nor am afraid of making mistakes..
I had quite an enlightening discussion with the person mentioned above. Me (the ever confrontational, but in a nice way..ha ha ha) said 'why don't you like to admit that you are wrong?' and **** said 'It would show weakness and I don't want to be perceived as weak". Fuck. Firstly, when you fuck up, its not an actual weakness its a mistake..the weakness lies in not standing up when you are asked 'who did this?' So again, the statement. I honestly believe that you show more weakness or *REAL* weakness when you are afraid to admit and accept your mistakes since you will never learn nor will you ever move from your present state of mind. So when someone knows or doesn't even know that you screwed up, by hedging around it, you ARE perceived as weak. Strong people address the situation..and no, it doesn't have to be confrontational, it just has to be DONE.
My frustrations about this is something that really flicks me.
I had quite an enlightening discussion with the person mentioned above. Me (the ever confrontational, but in a nice way..ha ha ha) said 'why don't you like to admit that you are wrong?' and **** said 'It would show weakness and I don't want to be perceived as weak". Fuck. Firstly, when you fuck up, its not an actual weakness its a mistake..the weakness lies in not standing up when you are asked 'who did this?' So again, the statement. I honestly believe that you show more weakness or *REAL* weakness when you are afraid to admit and accept your mistakes since you will never learn nor will you ever move from your present state of mind. So when someone knows or doesn't even know that you screwed up, by hedging around it, you ARE perceived as weak. Strong people address the situation..and no, it doesn't have to be confrontational, it just has to be DONE.
My frustrations about this is something that really flicks me.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Household mutiny survival kit
My house help has gone on hiatus..
She left on the 30th, saying she'd be back on the 1st, and today (2nd) I have declared her AWOL to the village guard. If I lived on my own, (a place that wouldn't be much larger than 100 sq m) I would be fine..but I live in my parents house (approx too many square meters for my liking!) and everyone else is on holiday!!
By asking around for some house help from friends, I found out that the same thing has happened to a few other friends! Looks like New Year was munity on the bounty day for helpers nationwide!
So, here is a little tip from my friend, Mr. Stepford (that's his alias because he lives a Stepford lifestyle!)..who knows how to live it up, university style!
If you are alone the University feeding ritual can be invoked - get a large (very large) coffee mug - this serves for breakfast (cereal) followed by coffee (once cereal eaten), lunch is a sandwich eaten off your hand (OK as you can get office boy to wash plates in the office), dinner is noodles microwaved in the mug - leave the mug to soak overnight (a few quick rinses during the day help) and a quick 2 minutes in the microwave the next morning kills all bugs and you are ready to feed yourself again. Simple and revolving ritual.
Washing and cleaning are slightly more challenging.
Cleaning can me minimised by minimising space used i.e. door - kitchen - TV - bed, do not veer off this path or else the cleaning load increases, the rest of the house is now a no-go area.
Washing - even trickier as students only change clothes once a month, this was never too much of a strain, but maybe if you are expected to look decent for work it is suggested that you change clothes on a daily basis. Then again they say the best place to find your husband/wife is in the laundry (although the Manila versions are not so conducive to this as 2 minutes to drop off/pick up allow little time for the 45 minutes watching your clothes spin.) Also the supermarket is full of helpers doing the groceries - so that could be the answer - go to the supermarket and headhunt.
Any other suggestions? ha ha ha Happy Happy New Year!
She left on the 30th, saying she'd be back on the 1st, and today (2nd) I have declared her AWOL to the village guard. If I lived on my own, (a place that wouldn't be much larger than 100 sq m) I would be fine..but I live in my parents house (approx too many square meters for my liking!) and everyone else is on holiday!!
By asking around for some house help from friends, I found out that the same thing has happened to a few other friends! Looks like New Year was munity on the bounty day for helpers nationwide!
So, here is a little tip from my friend, Mr. Stepford (that's his alias because he lives a Stepford lifestyle!)..who knows how to live it up, university style!
If you are alone the University feeding ritual can be invoked - get a large (very large) coffee mug - this serves for breakfast (cereal) followed by coffee (once cereal eaten), lunch is a sandwich eaten off your hand (OK as you can get office boy to wash plates in the office), dinner is noodles microwaved in the mug - leave the mug to soak overnight (a few quick rinses during the day help) and a quick 2 minutes in the microwave the next morning kills all bugs and you are ready to feed yourself again. Simple and revolving ritual.
Washing and cleaning are slightly more challenging.
Cleaning can me minimised by minimising space used i.e. door - kitchen - TV - bed, do not veer off this path or else the cleaning load increases, the rest of the house is now a no-go area.
Washing - even trickier as students only change clothes once a month, this was never too much of a strain, but maybe if you are expected to look decent for work it is suggested that you change clothes on a daily basis. Then again they say the best place to find your husband/wife is in the laundry (although the Manila versions are not so conducive to this as 2 minutes to drop off/pick up allow little time for the 45 minutes watching your clothes spin.) Also the supermarket is full of helpers doing the groceries - so that could be the answer - go to the supermarket and headhunt.
Any other suggestions? ha ha ha Happy Happy New Year!
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