Things change every day. how many times have we been told in this life that the only thing in life that is constant, is change (well, and death and taxes or something)...
Friction and drama only occurs when you resist change, when you can't let it flow like water off a duck's back..
I was discussing plans with a friend of mine today and the 'ming not having a plan' was something he thought alien, since I always have a plan (well, I do, a general one, not a specific action plan for now..ha ha ha) and he said
'I think people who don't make plans live happier lives'
I disagreed. It's only the anal plans that are too rigid and the people who make these plans that get bent out of shape when things don't go 'according to plan' that have issues, that aren't too happy.
So I said
"hmmm, I don't think so. I think somewhat planned is good, just as long as you are happy with the general plan, and if you don't get all anal when plans change...changing plans are okay, its resisting the change that causes all the drama"
I'm happy. Happier than I have been in 4 years. M said today that I am more relaxed than when I first arrived, i seem more centered, more happy. I am. It wasn't the leaving home or being sick and tired of being home that I needed to get away from. It was the needing quiet time, me time, reflection time..its like going to YE in high school, for that weekend to reflect upon your life..but this one, I had to actually work at the same time (because life doesn't stop when tragedy strikes), but its alright..I had the me time...so now, I'm all good.
Sooo, to you out there, who may be plan free, or over planned, or anally planned. This one's for you.
Life is short, and unless you are Buddhist, you only get one go. Make plans to inspire you, use plans and goals to drive you, but never let them rule your life, and change strategies when you have to..
I'm fulfilled by doing my part in life, how about you?
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Timing
You have to admit..that sometimes, timing can be everything.
I learned a few years back, that you need to have a few things aligned to create a window of opportunity. This works both for work and for life in general.
Many years ago (vague obviously for a reason) I met this guy. I was in a slightly complicated stage in my life (well, more confused than complicated). He, on the other hand, was in a MORE complicated/confused state. A recipe for disaster.
The thing is it was all good.. Good friends, good times, good vibes, good laughs....
I have to say that if we were in a more lucid state, we would have either recognized the state of it all and maintained the friendship only, or taken it to a more steady level..but as timing had it..after all the dust settled, we had nothing, just a chasm and 'common' friends.
Within the past X years, we've seen each other here and there, exchanging quick hellos to keep up appearances, but anyone who knew us, must have noticed the change in status..and I have to say I felt the difference, and I would imagine he would have too. I'm sure he must have felt the fact that one of his best friends became mine too, possibly from his point of view, replacing him..but that wasn't the case.
I'm thankful that I met one through the other, but one surely doesn't equal the other...
I was angry for a time..because I felt jipped out of my friendship but after x years (and heavy discussions with significant others) i was already at the stage where I thought it was time to mend fences..but the opportunity wasn't there, and the timing was never right.
Life has been chaotic for the past few years..but things had started to settle again, and I was somewhat out of my 'cloud'
And so, recently, a window of opportunity presented itself, and it seemed, for both of us, the timing was right.
When I first got there I was wondering if we'd be able to sort things out this time round..I was there, he was there, with our friends. We said hello and I *think* he gave me a hug...We had dinner, we hit the town and went to some funky bars then we all had breakfast together. A few days later we also all had lunch, and what I thought might have been a one day fluke, wasn't. I figured, yeah, maybe we were okay again.
What really hit home with me was when he (and ofcourse his/my best friend) came over the night before I left (or was it two nights before?)..which was signature him, since the last time we were 'friends' he stayed til the sun came up, half asleep, talking and laughing.
At long last, we were friends again.
We didn't really talk about this until last week, when he saw me on ym, and said something about putting me in his little black book (he was asking for my details) and i said that I had already made it into that book..didn't I?
He asked if I had regrets, and I said no. Regrets about what? Us being friends? not at all. About the good steady friendship that we had? No way. About all the other things that complicated the already complicated situation? No.
Life is all about living and I have no regrets. He was (is) the best of friends...he would drive hours to come get me, and drive hours back to take me home. Everything was funny and he is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met in my life...
He apologized profusely, and I told him that there is nothing to say sorry about anymore...
You know how they say that time heals all wounds? It's not true. Though time is a factor, there are many other factors that you need to put in place to create your own window of opportunity...and forgiving yourself is one of those things as is forgiving other people.
We are only human.
And knowing all these things, talking about it to settle the issues and regaining my center?
Well, somehow, all that happened last week, and that, my friends, is timing.
I learned a few years back, that you need to have a few things aligned to create a window of opportunity. This works both for work and for life in general.
Many years ago (vague obviously for a reason) I met this guy. I was in a slightly complicated stage in my life (well, more confused than complicated). He, on the other hand, was in a MORE complicated/confused state. A recipe for disaster.
The thing is it was all good.. Good friends, good times, good vibes, good laughs....
I have to say that if we were in a more lucid state, we would have either recognized the state of it all and maintained the friendship only, or taken it to a more steady level..but as timing had it..after all the dust settled, we had nothing, just a chasm and 'common' friends.
Within the past X years, we've seen each other here and there, exchanging quick hellos to keep up appearances, but anyone who knew us, must have noticed the change in status..and I have to say I felt the difference, and I would imagine he would have too. I'm sure he must have felt the fact that one of his best friends became mine too, possibly from his point of view, replacing him..but that wasn't the case.
I'm thankful that I met one through the other, but one surely doesn't equal the other...
I was angry for a time..because I felt jipped out of my friendship but after x years (and heavy discussions with significant others) i was already at the stage where I thought it was time to mend fences..but the opportunity wasn't there, and the timing was never right.
Life has been chaotic for the past few years..but things had started to settle again, and I was somewhat out of my 'cloud'
And so, recently, a window of opportunity presented itself, and it seemed, for both of us, the timing was right.
When I first got there I was wondering if we'd be able to sort things out this time round..I was there, he was there, with our friends. We said hello and I *think* he gave me a hug...We had dinner, we hit the town and went to some funky bars then we all had breakfast together. A few days later we also all had lunch, and what I thought might have been a one day fluke, wasn't. I figured, yeah, maybe we were okay again.
What really hit home with me was when he (and ofcourse his/my best friend) came over the night before I left (or was it two nights before?)..which was signature him, since the last time we were 'friends' he stayed til the sun came up, half asleep, talking and laughing.
At long last, we were friends again.
We didn't really talk about this until last week, when he saw me on ym, and said something about putting me in his little black book (he was asking for my details) and i said that I had already made it into that book..didn't I?
He asked if I had regrets, and I said no. Regrets about what? Us being friends? not at all. About the good steady friendship that we had? No way. About all the other things that complicated the already complicated situation? No.
Life is all about living and I have no regrets. He was (is) the best of friends...he would drive hours to come get me, and drive hours back to take me home. Everything was funny and he is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met in my life...
He apologized profusely, and I told him that there is nothing to say sorry about anymore...
You know how they say that time heals all wounds? It's not true. Though time is a factor, there are many other factors that you need to put in place to create your own window of opportunity...and forgiving yourself is one of those things as is forgiving other people.
We are only human.
And knowing all these things, talking about it to settle the issues and regaining my center?
Well, somehow, all that happened last week, and that, my friends, is timing.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Instead of timing, I give you 'sayad'
how annoying.
I wrote this expressive blog, about how timing can make such a difference..and it didn't save..grrr.
But see, I still want to share the kwento..I need to gather my thoughts again on that, so for now..you'll get 'sayad'
We get exposed to sooo many things in this life. So many people, so many influences, so many situations. The difference between being juvenile and mature is how you handle the different situations. I don't talk about being young and old..i'm talking about melodrama and sayad, I'm talking about knowing when you are moody and being selective on who sees it. I'm talking about causing drama and deciding that you don't want to be involved in the drama.
Now, in Laos, just like anywhere in rural Asia, women *need* to get married early, and ofcourse, the token single foreign boy is the best way 'out'. Sometimes its amusing, to see girls flirt and try to be coy. Just as long as I don't get pulled into anything, I don't mind. But when you single me out and then try to use psychological foolishness to get to the boy I live with..dude..I'm pinoy man, we can smell home made drama a mile away!
Not only did this girl want to meet and catch up with me--which was fine--instead of being actually shy about asking about him, or being direct..she went all funky drama weirdo on me. The last girl that seemed this dramatic was the sister of one of my neighbors)
Then, I had to have dinner with her too..this was kinda my fault. M and I had tentative plans to try out this nice Thai restaurant, but I messed it up and it ended up us three..which actually was fine with me..but dude..she acted even weirder. As in, when he would ask a question, she would go all telenovela and glance left and right and fidget and then just look at me. Then Marcel and I were talking about reading, and he asked her if she reads books about Laos, because he likes to, and she said 'why would i read books about Laos, Ming do you read books about the Philippines?'..I just said 'Uhh, don't use me as your gauge, I read everything'.. Marcel dropped me at my guesthouse, and we talked about how odd she was..and then later on she called me asking if 'she was acting strange' (which, we already established by this stage) and I said 'yeah' and she said something like 'oh, well, marcel makes me act strange, his presence alone makes me act strange' and I thought 'puta, this girl is reallly strange!' (and manipulative)
Next day M and I met with my lao best friend, who told us all the weird stuff this girl does at the office, and how seriously manipulative she is..and M said that she called him last night and she shared how 'He flustered her and his mere presence astounded her'--seriously now.. so I told him she called me too..and that just made the whole thing seem foolish. (he thought he was like the hottest thing since sliced cheese)
I can't really go into detail about how weird she was, but suffice to say, I know weird when I see weird, and mannnnn, this girl..sayad talaga.
The sad thing is, what makes her this way? Why is she manipulative and why does she thrive on drama? The good thing is, I am mature enough to know that a)its not my problem and b)i should avoid her at all costs.
*sayad, in tagalog means to grate or brush against something, usually the ground. like if your skirt brushes against the ground, it's 'making' sayad. In this context, its your brain that hits the ground, therefore you are slightly off center, at 50% or a fruit loop.
I wrote this expressive blog, about how timing can make such a difference..and it didn't save..grrr.
But see, I still want to share the kwento..I need to gather my thoughts again on that, so for now..you'll get 'sayad'
We get exposed to sooo many things in this life. So many people, so many influences, so many situations. The difference between being juvenile and mature is how you handle the different situations. I don't talk about being young and old..i'm talking about melodrama and sayad, I'm talking about knowing when you are moody and being selective on who sees it. I'm talking about causing drama and deciding that you don't want to be involved in the drama.
Now, in Laos, just like anywhere in rural Asia, women *need* to get married early, and ofcourse, the token single foreign boy is the best way 'out'. Sometimes its amusing, to see girls flirt and try to be coy. Just as long as I don't get pulled into anything, I don't mind. But when you single me out and then try to use psychological foolishness to get to the boy I live with..dude..I'm pinoy man, we can smell home made drama a mile away!
Not only did this girl want to meet and catch up with me--which was fine--instead of being actually shy about asking about him, or being direct..she went all funky drama weirdo on me. The last girl that seemed this dramatic was the sister of one of my neighbors)
Then, I had to have dinner with her too..this was kinda my fault. M and I had tentative plans to try out this nice Thai restaurant, but I messed it up and it ended up us three..which actually was fine with me..but dude..she acted even weirder. As in, when he would ask a question, she would go all telenovela and glance left and right and fidget and then just look at me. Then Marcel and I were talking about reading, and he asked her if she reads books about Laos, because he likes to, and she said 'why would i read books about Laos, Ming do you read books about the Philippines?'..I just said 'Uhh, don't use me as your gauge, I read everything'.. Marcel dropped me at my guesthouse, and we talked about how odd she was..and then later on she called me asking if 'she was acting strange' (which, we already established by this stage) and I said 'yeah' and she said something like 'oh, well, marcel makes me act strange, his presence alone makes me act strange' and I thought 'puta, this girl is reallly strange!' (and manipulative)
Next day M and I met with my lao best friend, who told us all the weird stuff this girl does at the office, and how seriously manipulative she is..and M said that she called him last night and she shared how 'He flustered her and his mere presence astounded her'--seriously now.. so I told him she called me too..and that just made the whole thing seem foolish. (he thought he was like the hottest thing since sliced cheese)
I can't really go into detail about how weird she was, but suffice to say, I know weird when I see weird, and mannnnn, this girl..sayad talaga.
The sad thing is, what makes her this way? Why is she manipulative and why does she thrive on drama? The good thing is, I am mature enough to know that a)its not my problem and b)i should avoid her at all costs.
*sayad, in tagalog means to grate or brush against something, usually the ground. like if your skirt brushes against the ground, it's 'making' sayad. In this context, its your brain that hits the ground, therefore you are slightly off center, at 50% or a fruit loop.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
