Cause and Effect

Cause and Effect..sounds so simple when you look at it from a scientific point of view. Push the car, the car moves forward...well yeah, inertia and all that is involved but if you relate it to life and love (where things are NOT all fair)..well, it becomes a little more complicated.

I mean it can still be simple. You drink alcohol, you could get liver cancer. You smoke, you get lung cancer..but if you look at the reasons that you sometimes over drink, or over smoke..that's where the complications come in. You live with the consequences because its something that is self inflicted at least. No, I am not condoning over indulgence, I'm just saying its better than inflicting it on someone else... But sometimes, even the things that are self inflicted have an effect on the people around you..

I don't know if this is me coming off my alcohol high weekend or just my usual drama..in any case...i was telling my 'friend' yesterday that I've been lost of recent. Why do I feel lost? Cause and effect..something happens in your life that puts you off balance, hence you are off balance. External factors that kind of f#$% with your world..let me explain.

I was talking to my ex, about the effect that he had on my relationships after we finally broke up. I told him that after we ended, i felt bitter....I was so good, so nice, so okay, I have NO IDEA how he cheated on me..

Unconsciously (because I would never hurt someone consciously) I dated three guys in a row, each two months each, and before I broke up with one, I had already planned the other...I wasn't in love, I wasn't in lust either...it was just after a month and a half, I thought that maybe he would cheat on me so it was time to move onto someone else..After this 3 dating stint, I dated someone for a longer period of time, and decided what's the use in loving or dating if you aren't going to lose yourself in it.

My discussion with my ex last last week actually helped me put things in some sort of perspective..he hurt me, therefore the way I functioned for about a year was medjo alanganin. He did say that he was sorry, and that obviously he wasn't really in love with me and that he was young..and that he now believes that if you love someone you would never do anything to hurt them. I had to disagree. don't get me wrong..I agree that if you love someone you wouldn't want to hurt them..but sometimes (especially when you are young and foolish) you make stupid decisions..based on peer pressure, previous hurts and bad experiences. BUT when you get older and wiser and more experienced, you should know na what you are doing...therefore we should be getting better at things as we grow older...

I'm assuming that if he knew what effect he'd have on my life, he would have thought twice before cheating on me..but maybe I'm being too optimistic..since obviously people do the things they do without care about other people, that's what makes it a selfish act right?

This then jumps to my discussion with a friend of mine over last weekend. I don't really want to drown you with the details, but we came to the conclusion that people should be more responsible for their actions. That you really don't know the effect that you could have on someone else, and so by being mean, or cheating, or hurting partners or friends, you could alter the direction of people's lives, like REALLY alter it.

For me, the effect only lasted for about a year, but I do know that sometimes I make a statement of 'just remember that if you are cheating on me, in all likelihood I could do something worse' The good thing is I have learned to think and say that 'if you are just going to cheat on me, just leave me and we're good, I wouldn't suggest for you to try my patience'..Honestly, I would rather be told that you are out of love..i mean I'm not one that would accept a half assed relationship anyway, just be straight!

Where am I going with this, since when I read back it sounds like I want to discuss something but don't want to say too much..

What I want to say is you can do things that have an effect only on yourself, and you would have to live with these consequences. But the minute that you add another person into the equation, you have to also think about the effect of your action on that person too.

Possibly why I didn't date last year.. i wanted to sort out myself first before I test those waters again. I know it seems silly that when i need someone the most to help me through a rough patch I kind of avoid the opportunities, but I figured, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger! (ha ha ha) And also..I just want to make it clear that I'm not saying that my external factors at this given time is a dating/boy thing..it just seemed easier to use that as a point to examine. Anyone who knows me knows what my external factors are for now..Anyway..

I guess I am hoping for the good in people, especially now that we are older and wiser, that before you take on that 'extra' girlfriend, before you go into some drama fest to add colour to your life, before you decide to sit on your ass and let everyone else deal with the situation around you, before you do things that affect other people..think about the people you affect. I'm not just talking about boyfriend/girlfriend things, I'm talking about anything! with your family, with your dog, with your office mates, with your friends..

that's all I'm hoping for..think before you act, because you could actually scar someone for life with the things that us humans foolishly do.