The deadly sins

I watched a movie over the weekend..blood diamond.

Have you seen this? I have actually put off watching it because I wasn't in the right frame of mind last week to watch a potentially serious movie (since I didn't really know what it was about, other than the conflict diamond twist)..but when I did see it..shucks, I know I am already an activist..but man, this cause demands some attention.

Now I would encourage my friends to watch this movie, because it should change your point of view regarding that ring you plan to buy for your fiance, or the ring that you aim to get from your fiance, or that gorgeous tennis bracelet/pair of earrings that you have always had your eye on..waiting for the day that you can 'buy it for yourself'

I admit, I am one of these girls..no, not the OTT ring from the spouse to be, but the I want to buy something nice for myself when I can afford it..it was a toss up between a tennis bracelet and a watch..but at least now if I get myself the bracelet, i know to ask my jeweler the right questions to make sure I am not playing a part in the conflict in other parts of the world.

Anyway, this movie seriously hit a nerve with me..because we imagine that we live in 'peacetime' as compared to world war status, but really, there are sooo many countries in conflict..the worst ones taking on child soldiers, ripping them from their families, drugging them and making them do the worst things..this is a crime..we are bad enough as a world letting children go hungry, child prostitution, pedophilia..and even worse is that parents themselves can be the bad role models that create weird people who have children too..its a vicious cycle....its just too sad.

I like to think that I am jaded, and cynical..hardened by the harsh things I have seen in this world. I've met people who are not good. People that hurt other people intentionally, people who manipulate situations, people who take advantage of other people..but I guess I should be glad that I haven't been exposed to extreme atrocities directly...but you know..at the end of the day, I feel naive at times..i ask stupid questions like 'why are people so greedy' or 'why are people so envious of others', like I seriously cannot understand it..and so I asked M last night, are these emotions (greed, envy, anger..etc-- in relation to the deadly sins) natural or are they brought about by social pressures/situations? and he said, all emotions are natural but some are emphasized as the child grows up..some naturally, some not..some brought about by experiences, some by how you see other people deal with or react to certain things..What makes someone greedy? What makes someone abuse power? (shucks, I just thought of politicians there for a sec, but I won't go into that)

Two babies are sitting in one cot, you pick one up..the other one left in the cot cries. Is this envy? I guess it is at some basic level..They are not envious of the other child, they just want to be carried too..what happens though is some adult will say 'ha ha child, you are not as wanted as the other child', some foolish person directs the envy towards another human being.. I know its not this simple, but it could be..which is just..sad.

Yeah, I know, this is a rambling blog with a lot of unhappy things..but I would like to imagine that there are more people who care than don't.

Ming logic at 24 years old

A long time ago, well considering Caeci is now what, 24 (which is what I was at the time when I wrote it), I thought 17 was a good time in a girl's life to know a little more about what to do when things get tricky...that you had to be a bit girl guide/scout-ish..always be prepared.

I mean, I reflected at the time to when *I* was 17, and the foolish things I did then, and the things she would be exposed to..and i figured, forewarned is fore armed, or something like that (dunno about the spelling tho!) It worked for me, hopefully it worked for her too..You can't tell me at one stage in your life (or even now) that these wouldn't apply!

Few pointers from ta ming when I was 17.
1. Always trust instinct
2. Do not trust instinct when drunk or tipsy
3. Always say No unless ready.
4. Think 30 times before doing something DooBy!
5. DON'T get caught!
6. Strive to be good for yourself.
7. Always Love Tita Ming
8. If it feels uncomfy, get out of the situation ASAP
9. Always include the element of risk, but always apply rule 4 and 5
10. NO to anorexia, bulimia and rehab/detox
11. Always keep coins to call home
12. If he breaks up with you who cares......gorgeous paren!
13. Respect is earned
14. Be fair always and Dont litter!
15. **ommitted because it won't make sense to anyone :) **
16. At times of depression draw strength from those who love you
17. Drink responsibly, drive safely, buckle up, and smile, baka the guy in the other car is a cutie

Trust issues

I knew I had trust issues, though you know, you would never imagine that I did with the way I talk, and talk so freely about anything that happens to me..

But yes, like everybody, there is some information about me that reach only those who are either 1)are in my circle of trust 2)need the information/interested in the information 3)someone who has incurred my wrath, and gets a LOT of information he he he..

You may think or it may seem that I am hard to hurt. Like I have this stoic attitude about things, that I can 'logic' anything to death and that I'm such a bitch, in all likelihood, whatever you say won't hurt me.

In some ways, yes, that is true. Especially for those whose opinions don't mean anything to me.

But sometimes, I am foolish enough to leave space for mistakes.

The good thingfrom this experience is, I feel. I appreciate the fact that I am feeling again.

The bad thing is, though the lie was small, minuscule in fact, my general trust issues are in the way and I feel as if I can't trust this person anymore. I know, unforgiving, but the deceit is still fresh (I know, deceit is a strong word, but it matches how I feel).

I have trust issues because of things that have happened to me in the past few years of my life. You take people's word for it. That they will change, that they will try better. You think people are sincere enough, like yourself to follow through, for the greater good, for the people they love...but they fall short of your expectations. And yes, I know, I have learned to expect less. Not to lower my expectations, but just reduce the value of the expectation. Rude, yes, internal mitigation measures that work sometimes need to be.

But again, am getting a better view of why I am reluctant to really let any potential significant other in..