anxiety

I checked on "depression.com" and it verifies something I already know...I'm depressed and I have some kind of anxiety disorder because I get anxious and I am moody. Thank god I didn't need to pay for this because this is information I already knew. Anyway...I wanted to focus on my anxiety today. I am anxious..Hi my name is Ming and I am anxious. I feel like throwing up and crying and I am extremely moody. (Hi Ming, welcome)...wow, I am now making dialogues too...scary. But seriously...I need some help..anyway..this post is for all you people who think you are alone..there are many of us, some are just not so ready to share how they feel.

I, on the other hand, am planning to use this as a way to purge my demons.

Surrealism and porn

Its quite odd how things become surreal once the going gets tough. Maybe its your systems way of telling you that its all too much and that you need a break. So to combat the unhappiness that you may have read on my previous blog, I am writing one about a break that I had.

The other day I went to my cousin's house to drop something off and to say hi. I was feeling EXTREMELY low and needed to talk, maybe get a hug and some kind of reassurance that I am doing alright. After a good long conversation and a hug or two later, her sister called and showed up...then her husband came out and joined us, as did another friend. So what started out as a heart to heart became a vodka night.

It was a great evening, full of laughs and more laughs...I can't tell you how much I needed a break at this time and the group that we had together was perfect for it. Adding another person might have ruined the moment, one less person might have made it too somber..I felt so much better, and I am sure my cousin felt better seeing me feel better..

I haven't felt this good in a while..maybe it means that my system is trying to reboot and may start feeling again. But anyway..It was a really good night...I can't explain how good a night it was..we were laughing 90% of the time!

So why surrealism and porn. Well, with regards to surrealism, its always easy to watch someone else go through hard times but not really understand how surreal it actually is to the person who is going through it. It feels surreal for the friend trying to console you because you don't really know what to say..and its surreal to the person going through it because she is thinking, am I really going through this?

And porn..where does porn come into all of this? Well, one main question that evening is that do men really believe that women can do all those things girls do in porn. So its surreal because a woman would rarely imagine her man would want her to try all of those things, and its surreal because the man actually believes that his woman would want to try all those things for him.. :)

Dramas of the third kind

Long time no blog...not for the lack of drama let me tell you....more like the overload of it that I have switched off from the world..so anyway, onto my post. Drama comes in many shapes and sizes...some are simple...like when someone doesn't call when you hope they will call..see that is simple, but can become complicated when you get quite uptight that the person didn't call and refuse to take his/her call or even argue on the phone..then the person retaliates with harsh words and then tears come..and then boom...its a full blown drama fest of unmanageable proportions. Lets look at that again though...if you just stopped at when they didn't call and assume the best (like they just simply forgot or were damn busy) then you wouldn't have been so hot headed and when you call them to remind them that they didn't call they will apologise...now isn't that more simple?

Less drama, less hassle..

Melancholy and the infinite sadness

I'm assuming that things just don't happen to me, they happen to everyone, and there is comfort I guess in knowing that someone somewhere has felt or is feeling how I feel right now. Not much comfort, but some. Unhappiness has always been a state of mind for me as I am rarely unhappy, not a constant and more of a variable..something that changes over time and this gives me great comfort since I know some time soon this will all go away..but the sad thing is I think it would have changed me forever..Changed my basic composition, changed my disposition. Changed my way of thinking and maybe even my values...maybe even my point of view..maybe even my core... I guess I should be thankful for the things that have happened in my past that make me strong in the present. And if you think you have somehow made me strong in my past, be it through trials or good times..feel better by knowing that you have made me a better person.
SO..why the blog..why share how I feel..because I have never been scared to use my experience to maybe help someone else...all that bola about being thankful for being blessed, trust me..everyone should count their lucky stars and live life to the fullest. Enjoy your independence, enjoy whatever age you are and enjoy the moment, because sometimes life slaps you when you least expect it, and you are going to need those moments you had to live through it