I don't know if I ever got to thank him. Maybe he thinks that I didn't appreciate all the time and attention he gave me when I needed a friend, I surely hope he does because without him, I could have easily imploded and not chosen the path that I have and things could be different now.
I am hesitant by nature. I am, analysis paralysis. I have issues, from the past and the present, and well, I know this clouds judgement.
At the time when I was still thinking 'will I or won't I' I re-connected with a friend of mine from grade school/middle school--Dana.
He walked me through my dramas, and emotions and well, everything actually, and in the end, I came out a little more clear headed, a little more determined and a little less afraid..
Some days, you just need to thank your lucky stars for friends like these..because they are one in a million.
And everyone needs a friend like this in their lives.
Thanks Dana, I'm not lying when I say you are a life saver.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Haiku
Red orange yellow
The sun shines brightly on you
Hope springs eternal
this haiku of mine is somewhat representative of everyday these days.. Don't get me wrong..am still dark, broody, cynical yet optimistic ming...but well, hehehe, yeah.
Today is the first day of Buddhist lent. I did catholic lent, ash wednesday to sacrificing 6 things for 40 days...though sorry mommy, didn't do the passion and the visita iglesia., and now its Buddhist lent, which runs for 3 months, and again, I decided to give up a few things to gain more clarity.
I'm feeling a little tired, possibly from my crazy weekend. I went home for mommy's surgery, which went well, but sleeping in the chair at Makati Med for 3 nights (4 days-- parang hotel booking) is surely no club med experience...but the lack of sleep was fine as I got to hang with my bro, my cousins, my parents...see my crappy dogs who are really, so cute..and see some friends..thanks for visiting me at the hospital you guys. In the 4 days I was home, I saw my room and my house all of 5 hours I think..but its alright..at least I got mommy in and out of the hospital, safe and sound.
As I got out the car at the NAIA terminal, I felt a kick ass pang of homesickness..I looked back and daddy was waving at me from the car, and I wanted to cry...because I miss my people so much. I am soooo looking forward to christmas.
Back to my haiku. I read a blog today, Zharine's, and you know, its been 15 years since high school graduation..does time fly or what? But i have no regrets...life brings you challenges and blessings, and its what you make out of it that counts..so live every day like its a new day bearing in mind that you should hold yourself accountable for all your actions and reactions.
So, if I can ask all my friends/family who read this entry of mine, to give a little love and kindness, to someone, to anyone..give someone you care about a hug, a real one that says you are really here, or help someone in need...and (but ofcourse) show some kindness to the world that we live in, throw your garbage properly or advise someone else to do the same..or turn lights off when you leave a space...
hugs from here :)
The sun shines brightly on you
Hope springs eternal
this haiku of mine is somewhat representative of everyday these days.. Don't get me wrong..am still dark, broody, cynical yet optimistic ming...but well, hehehe, yeah.
Today is the first day of Buddhist lent. I did catholic lent, ash wednesday to sacrificing 6 things for 40 days...though sorry mommy, didn't do the passion and the visita iglesia., and now its Buddhist lent, which runs for 3 months, and again, I decided to give up a few things to gain more clarity.
I'm feeling a little tired, possibly from my crazy weekend. I went home for mommy's surgery, which went well, but sleeping in the chair at Makati Med for 3 nights (4 days-- parang hotel booking) is surely no club med experience...but the lack of sleep was fine as I got to hang with my bro, my cousins, my parents...see my crappy dogs who are really, so cute..and see some friends..thanks for visiting me at the hospital you guys. In the 4 days I was home, I saw my room and my house all of 5 hours I think..but its alright..at least I got mommy in and out of the hospital, safe and sound.
As I got out the car at the NAIA terminal, I felt a kick ass pang of homesickness..I looked back and daddy was waving at me from the car, and I wanted to cry...because I miss my people so much. I am soooo looking forward to christmas.
Back to my haiku. I read a blog today, Zharine's, and you know, its been 15 years since high school graduation..does time fly or what? But i have no regrets...life brings you challenges and blessings, and its what you make out of it that counts..so live every day like its a new day bearing in mind that you should hold yourself accountable for all your actions and reactions.
So, if I can ask all my friends/family who read this entry of mine, to give a little love and kindness, to someone, to anyone..give someone you care about a hug, a real one that says you are really here, or help someone in need...and (but ofcourse) show some kindness to the world that we live in, throw your garbage properly or advise someone else to do the same..or turn lights off when you leave a space...
hugs from here :)
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Common denominators
We learned about common denominators in maths, a very long time ago..and back then, from memory, I was in the 'slow at maths' section since I hated numbers (and still somewhat do), with Mrs. Nutter (whom I saw on Oprah a few years back, can't remember what she was doing on Oprah though!)..but you know..if only they taught us about common denominators differently, I might have gotten it..and am going to make a laughable attempt now.
Common denominators are necessary to relate one item to another. Like apples and oranges. They are different, but they have a few common denominators. They are both fruit, and you can count them (depending on how many there are of each) and though there are differences, you can say you have 5 pieces of fruit, no need to know if they are apples or oranges.
Friendships have common denominators too, like you are all crazy, or all spoiled little f#$%s, or all girls, or all football players.. I have a common denominator base with all the people in my life.
So, as I now move into a new box called 'ming in a relationship' with all new subfolders and new chances to colour code shit, its nice to know two of our common denominators:
1. We are both extremely serious people
2. We are both extremely fun people
How these two are antonyms and still be present in one, and be found in two..how cute.
We have more ofcourse but no need for those details right now..
Ha ha ha, ofcourse I am being cheesy, I'm in love!
Common denominators are necessary to relate one item to another. Like apples and oranges. They are different, but they have a few common denominators. They are both fruit, and you can count them (depending on how many there are of each) and though there are differences, you can say you have 5 pieces of fruit, no need to know if they are apples or oranges.
Friendships have common denominators too, like you are all crazy, or all spoiled little f#$%s, or all girls, or all football players.. I have a common denominator base with all the people in my life.
So, as I now move into a new box called 'ming in a relationship' with all new subfolders and new chances to colour code shit, its nice to know two of our common denominators:
1. We are both extremely serious people
2. We are both extremely fun people
How these two are antonyms and still be present in one, and be found in two..how cute.
We have more ofcourse but no need for those details right now..
Ha ha ha, ofcourse I am being cheesy, I'm in love!
Friday, February 01, 2008
Preparations
I am usually prepared, but sometimes, you can catch me unaware, and somehow those things that catch me unaware can kinda take my breath away.
Today, I was made to realize (which is different from comprehend) that I may be a marine biologist, but there is a high probability that I will never practice that skill as a professional again. That is, unless, right now, right this month, I cut and run and go academe, go full on research or go do my PhD.
It's been my dream to do all that, and i have, I did, I was happy, it was great,...I love the sea, i love reasearch...I didn't even WANT to deal with people, I wanted to be a lab person, dealing with pipettes and beakers and samples and theories..
But somehow, my world was directed towards resource management and project management, still with the environment but not so marine.
I always used to say that you would be lucky to get paid to do what you love, and if you don't get to do what you love, do it when you can, like weekends and holidays, because this is what keeps the spark.
But I can't seriously complain can I..I am still in the same storm, just on a different side, just with different challenges and issues, but still, its a job with passion and a job with consequences..its important, not just to me, or the corporation, or the government, but for the people that I make decisions for..like livelihood plans and information dissemination. People's lives depend on decisions that I am involved in making..and I can't sniff at that..
Some idiot said recently that I kiss corporate ass...me? of all people..if you only knew! I'm so anti corporation, so pro development and capacity building, am so anti commerce, its crazy to be accused of something I am not..but I believe I have learned how to deal with criticism with grace now, not so hot headed (was I ever?) and not too passionate that I am labeled a tree hugger or a fish kisser..Im more realistic, more goal oriented, that you have to be strategic to get to your goals...just as long as you get to them...
So yeah, I wasn't prepared for this realization today. My boss/co-worker said today 'trust me, its true, you will never work as a researcher for marine science now, you are more than that and you have a new direction, I am an engineer and I had to face that I will never design a bridge ever again"-- I was caught unaware with this thought, and I thought I was prepared for most things these days..
Life never ceases to surprise me.
But I am stubborn and optimistic. I know me. I could still work in my chosen field...the question is, do I want to just because its what I want to do, or do I follow where my career seems to think I am needed?
ON TOP of this, I surely wasn't prepared to fall in love, but like l said, life never ceases to surprise me,...
Today, I was made to realize (which is different from comprehend) that I may be a marine biologist, but there is a high probability that I will never practice that skill as a professional again. That is, unless, right now, right this month, I cut and run and go academe, go full on research or go do my PhD.
It's been my dream to do all that, and i have, I did, I was happy, it was great,...I love the sea, i love reasearch...I didn't even WANT to deal with people, I wanted to be a lab person, dealing with pipettes and beakers and samples and theories..
But somehow, my world was directed towards resource management and project management, still with the environment but not so marine.
I always used to say that you would be lucky to get paid to do what you love, and if you don't get to do what you love, do it when you can, like weekends and holidays, because this is what keeps the spark.
But I can't seriously complain can I..I am still in the same storm, just on a different side, just with different challenges and issues, but still, its a job with passion and a job with consequences..its important, not just to me, or the corporation, or the government, but for the people that I make decisions for..like livelihood plans and information dissemination. People's lives depend on decisions that I am involved in making..and I can't sniff at that..
Some idiot said recently that I kiss corporate ass...me? of all people..if you only knew! I'm so anti corporation, so pro development and capacity building, am so anti commerce, its crazy to be accused of something I am not..but I believe I have learned how to deal with criticism with grace now, not so hot headed (was I ever?) and not too passionate that I am labeled a tree hugger or a fish kisser..Im more realistic, more goal oriented, that you have to be strategic to get to your goals...just as long as you get to them...
So yeah, I wasn't prepared for this realization today. My boss/co-worker said today 'trust me, its true, you will never work as a researcher for marine science now, you are more than that and you have a new direction, I am an engineer and I had to face that I will never design a bridge ever again"-- I was caught unaware with this thought, and I thought I was prepared for most things these days..
Life never ceases to surprise me.
But I am stubborn and optimistic. I know me. I could still work in my chosen field...the question is, do I want to just because its what I want to do, or do I follow where my career seems to think I am needed?
ON TOP of this, I surely wasn't prepared to fall in love, but like l said, life never ceases to surprise me,...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
High School Love
This blog is of limited circulation, because at the moment I am using it more as a platform to share how I actually feel about something, and I don't have (you) my friends here to give me their comments, to make fun of me, or give me advice and all that...so, your comments and jokes are totally welcome as I need to feel like I have you to talk to this about here, as I go through this daily..(especially your jokes, I could certainly use some levity in this situation!)
I haven't fallen out of love with my ipod, but I would be lying if I didn't say my attention has refocused somewhat, elsewhere..
No, I'm not here to blog about who he is and why I like him. I want to focus on this high school feeling that can be good in some ways, but seriously suck in others.
I feel like I am having an asthma attack and ill in general...
Shortness of breath? CHECK
Light headed-ness? CHECK
Lack of concentration? CHECK
Loss of appetite? CHECK
Lack of sleep? (super) CHECK
Nauseous? CHECK
It sucks double because I am usually so logical, so in control, so restrictive about my emotions..and I feel so unsure about how to react, how to converse...its seriously driving me crazy!
But I can't dispute that sometimes, this also feels good..because I am finally (?) ready to relate to someone new and its good to feel :)
Alright alright, it feels good okay? I feel like a kid, not knowing what to do, what to say.
Yesterday, on our way back to GML, he offered me an apple. There were 4 of us, and he came up to me and said, would you like an apple?
Such a simple question, where, if anyone else said it to me, would not make me feel queasy and light headed..
Why does this feel so high school!
I haven't fallen out of love with my ipod, but I would be lying if I didn't say my attention has refocused somewhat, elsewhere..
No, I'm not here to blog about who he is and why I like him. I want to focus on this high school feeling that can be good in some ways, but seriously suck in others.
I feel like I am having an asthma attack and ill in general...
Shortness of breath? CHECK
Light headed-ness? CHECK
Lack of concentration? CHECK
Loss of appetite? CHECK
Lack of sleep? (super) CHECK
Nauseous? CHECK
It sucks double because I am usually so logical, so in control, so restrictive about my emotions..and I feel so unsure about how to react, how to converse...its seriously driving me crazy!
But I can't dispute that sometimes, this also feels good..because I am finally (?) ready to relate to someone new and its good to feel :)
Alright alright, it feels good okay? I feel like a kid, not knowing what to do, what to say.
Yesterday, on our way back to GML, he offered me an apple. There were 4 of us, and he came up to me and said, would you like an apple?
Such a simple question, where, if anyone else said it to me, would not make me feel queasy and light headed..
Why does this feel so high school!
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