Friday, February 01, 2008

Preparations

I am usually prepared, but sometimes, you can catch me unaware, and somehow those things that catch me unaware can kinda take my breath away.

Today, I was made to realize (which is different from comprehend) that I may be a marine biologist, but there is a high probability that I will never practice that skill as a professional again. That is, unless, right now, right this month, I cut and run and go academe, go full on research or go do my PhD.

It's been my dream to do all that, and i have, I did, I was happy, it was great,...I love the sea, i love reasearch...I didn't even WANT to deal with people, I wanted to be a lab person, dealing with pipettes and beakers and samples and theories..
But somehow, my world was directed towards resource management and project management, still with the environment but not so marine.

I always used to say that you would be lucky to get paid to do what you love, and if you don't get to do what you love, do it when you can, like weekends and holidays, because this is what keeps the spark.

But I can't seriously complain can I..I am still in the same storm, just on a different side, just with different challenges and issues, but still, its a job with passion and a job with consequences..its important, not just to me, or the corporation, or the government, but for the people that I make decisions for..like livelihood plans and information dissemination. People's lives depend on decisions that I am involved in making..and I can't sniff at that..

Some idiot said recently that I kiss corporate ass...me? of all people..if you only knew! I'm so anti corporation, so pro development and capacity building, am so anti commerce, its crazy to be accused of something I am not..but I believe I have learned how to deal with criticism with grace now, not so hot headed (was I ever?) and not too passionate that I am labeled a tree hugger or a fish kisser..Im more realistic, more goal oriented, that you have to be strategic to get to your goals...just as long as you get to them...

So yeah, I wasn't prepared for this realization today. My boss/co-worker said today 'trust me, its true, you will never work as a researcher for marine science now, you are more than that and you have a new direction, I am an engineer and I had to face that I will never design a bridge ever again"-- I was caught unaware with this thought, and I thought I was prepared for most things these days..

Life never ceases to surprise me.

But I am stubborn and optimistic. I know me. I could still work in my chosen field...the question is, do I want to just because its what I want to do, or do I follow where my career seems to think I am needed?

ON TOP of this, I surely wasn't prepared to fall in love, but like l said, life never ceases to surprise me,...

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