I've been reading other people's posts today..yes, instead of working, mainly because I have overworked myself all week, til late hours, and now Saturday comes and i feel drained. Well, i felt drained yesterday (saying to honey in the car 'I want to go home' he said 'now?' I said 'No I mean HOME home..), so no wonder Saturday feels like hell. Also haven't been sleeping well because the air conditioner is on the blink and sounds like a rice milling machine.
I read on Ella's blog, about people who go to the US and live the american life..yeah, the work sleep work life..though, my sister Sue can veer a LITTLE out of this system, but she has meager savings, yet my sister tonette totally lives this system and has kick ass savings but has no life..My sisters didn't have it easy. Nette studied and worked at the same time, while pregnant..she is really one of those success stories, but she doesn't have time to live the life--for whatever reasons.
And here I am, living in the middle of nowhere (I don't mean Laos, as its very up and coming and give it a few more years, it will be more and more developed) but I mean on site, with no 7-11 in sight, no movie house and Tesco across the border..I live in a foreign country, yeah yeah, making good money, but I also have hmm 1 friend, not counting my hubby. And this friend I had to import myself!! Okay, I lie, Hubby's boss is also my friend, but..anyway.
I wish I had friends. You know..girl friends, people to do stuff with like pictionary, or scatterbrain or whatever that game is. People who call me and say what you doing? wanna come over for a few drinks? But perhaps its unrealistic to expect this, considering where I am.
I am soooooo hoping Vientiane has more to offer once we move. Pem seems to think so.
time to hit the road..its 5 p.m.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Action lists
A few thinking points, some directly related to climate change, some indirectly..no apologies for the anger that you may think I feel in some of these items.
1. Throw garbage properly
2. Reuse, recycle, reduce!
3. Stop freaking feeding fish with rice and bread so that you can see all the cute fishies!! SHEESH!
4. Turn off the damn light when you leave the room.
5. Walk a little more, drive a little less
6. Carpool, its not so bad you know.
7. Eat less AMERICA! Talk about excess.
8. Help other people more
9. Stop whining about your life, be productive somehow. Even if it is to just make your own bed.
10. Lighten up, enjoy life more, enjoy your people more, appreciate it exactly how it is.
What can you do to make the world a better place?
1. Throw garbage properly
2. Reuse, recycle, reduce!
3. Stop freaking feeding fish with rice and bread so that you can see all the cute fishies!! SHEESH!
4. Turn off the damn light when you leave the room.
5. Walk a little more, drive a little less
6. Carpool, its not so bad you know.
7. Eat less AMERICA! Talk about excess.
8. Help other people more
9. Stop whining about your life, be productive somehow. Even if it is to just make your own bed.
10. Lighten up, enjoy life more, enjoy your people more, appreciate it exactly how it is.
What can you do to make the world a better place?
Captain Planet
You don't need to be a climate change specialist, or a scientist for that matter to know that the weather we are experiencing around the world is intensifying. Bigger floods, bigger devastation during earthquakes, larger land slides..
I am WELL aware that its cyclic...the problem is we are hastening the pace, we are modifying the normal cycle,...which is where the problem lies.
And yes, its easy to go all gloom and doom and say its climate change, but its a little more complicated and a little more related to you than that.
Why are 'riverside luxury apartments' so coveted? Ahh yeah, because of the river view. And the ocean front villa...why not invest in areas that are set back and leave the beaches and river fronts free of structures? So that when the floods arrive (which are natural in flood plains mind you) won't cause so much devastation.
Why do we construct buildings in earthquake prone areas that are not built for earthquake zones? Why do these buildings get approved? Ahh kase its only a 1 in 25 year event...so the odds are good..except when the earthquake happens..
Why live right in the valley, right at the edge of the mountain..ahh, because its the best area to cultivate, and then cut down the trees so that you can plant things, and then when the rain comes, the soil isn't stable and causes land slides...and we wonder why??
In Laos, in Manila, I still see people throw garbage in the streets, people throw garbage in the river/ocean..and we wonder why the sewers are clogged?
I know, I know, the governments also have responsibilities, but so do you. To use the aircon a little less, to turn your computer off when you aren't using it, to use your car less, to reuse and recycle.
I guess calamities are a wake up call. Nature is bringing attention to itself. Its time we paid attention.
Captain planet is a cartoon--need I state the obvious?
I am WELL aware that its cyclic...the problem is we are hastening the pace, we are modifying the normal cycle,...which is where the problem lies.
And yes, its easy to go all gloom and doom and say its climate change, but its a little more complicated and a little more related to you than that.
Why are 'riverside luxury apartments' so coveted? Ahh yeah, because of the river view. And the ocean front villa...why not invest in areas that are set back and leave the beaches and river fronts free of structures? So that when the floods arrive (which are natural in flood plains mind you) won't cause so much devastation.
Why do we construct buildings in earthquake prone areas that are not built for earthquake zones? Why do these buildings get approved? Ahh kase its only a 1 in 25 year event...so the odds are good..except when the earthquake happens..
Why live right in the valley, right at the edge of the mountain..ahh, because its the best area to cultivate, and then cut down the trees so that you can plant things, and then when the rain comes, the soil isn't stable and causes land slides...and we wonder why??
In Laos, in Manila, I still see people throw garbage in the streets, people throw garbage in the river/ocean..and we wonder why the sewers are clogged?
I know, I know, the governments also have responsibilities, but so do you. To use the aircon a little less, to turn your computer off when you aren't using it, to use your car less, to reuse and recycle.
I guess calamities are a wake up call. Nature is bringing attention to itself. Its time we paid attention.
Captain planet is a cartoon--need I state the obvious?
Climate change and I
I'm having trouble coming up with a title for this one..I want to be encouraging, optimistic, but I can't seem to find the words.
I first came across the climate change concept in 1989 or 1990, I was hmm 13? It was the big time magazine article...and it changed my life. From then on, i was an advocate for reduced usage of natural resources, throwing garbage in the right place, reducing waste and energy efficiency..I wanted to be part of something that made the world a better place..
Its now 24 years later..and where am I with this crusade of mine?
I went into Marine Biology, focusing professionally on resource management. I was and will always be an activist NGO kid at heart..fighting for the rights of the animals and plants that can't speak...BUT I realized after a while, that there are some of us that can fight the demon from within. We have to be realistic..I realized that NGOs do many many great things, but its the big companies that do all the damage, that can get away with things..and I realized that I still need to make a living, and eat, and survive in this dog eat dog world..
I got into consulting, so that I could take on projects and make a difference in the projects that I do. One of my clients was a coal fire power plant..but they were doing their part, trying to maintain environmental standards, trying to do things the right way...I was advising companies to invest in sanctuaries and protected areas...
I am now involved in the most controversial hydropower project. Controversial for its impact on the communities, on the environment, and controversial because its the first hydropower project that the WB and ADB are backing in a realllllly long time. And for this, we have gone a bit overkill on the social and environmental measures that have been put into place, but still, people criticize and complain about our efforts.
I came to work here knowing the challenges..but my point on leaving my comfort zone was to push myself to the limit. To be a catalyst from within.
It has been said that the concerns about the environment are 'the worries of the rich', as the rich have the luxury to think past the basic water food and shelter necessities..in some ways this is true. Rich nations are quick to stipulate rules on usage of natural resources, casting a blind eye on what made them rich in the first place...What needs to happen is, as the girl who spoke in the UN meeting articulated, we need to work as one earth, one world, all in it together..
I love my job, as I am a cog in the wheel of change. I don't need to be a major piece of the puzzle, all I know is if I do my part, and if everyone does theirs too, then we'll all be doing our part in making the world a better, happier and peaceful place to live in..
Forget the 'hoax' or 'conspiracy theory' concepts...forget the economic perspective too..this is not a race, this is not a competition of who is strongest, who is biggest, the environment doesn't understand politics.. the logic of everything in moderation is really, the most intelligent thing I have ever heard of. If you drink too much, you get drunk, if you eat too much you get fat. Cause, and effect. Do we really need to wait until the effect is much worse than the current catastrophes we've had to live through to start living responsibly?
Have a think about how you live your life. Are you doing your part?
I first came across the climate change concept in 1989 or 1990, I was hmm 13? It was the big time magazine article...and it changed my life. From then on, i was an advocate for reduced usage of natural resources, throwing garbage in the right place, reducing waste and energy efficiency..I wanted to be part of something that made the world a better place..
Its now 24 years later..and where am I with this crusade of mine?
I went into Marine Biology, focusing professionally on resource management. I was and will always be an activist NGO kid at heart..fighting for the rights of the animals and plants that can't speak...BUT I realized after a while, that there are some of us that can fight the demon from within. We have to be realistic..I realized that NGOs do many many great things, but its the big companies that do all the damage, that can get away with things..and I realized that I still need to make a living, and eat, and survive in this dog eat dog world..
I got into consulting, so that I could take on projects and make a difference in the projects that I do. One of my clients was a coal fire power plant..but they were doing their part, trying to maintain environmental standards, trying to do things the right way...I was advising companies to invest in sanctuaries and protected areas...
I am now involved in the most controversial hydropower project. Controversial for its impact on the communities, on the environment, and controversial because its the first hydropower project that the WB and ADB are backing in a realllllly long time. And for this, we have gone a bit overkill on the social and environmental measures that have been put into place, but still, people criticize and complain about our efforts.
I came to work here knowing the challenges..but my point on leaving my comfort zone was to push myself to the limit. To be a catalyst from within.
It has been said that the concerns about the environment are 'the worries of the rich', as the rich have the luxury to think past the basic water food and shelter necessities..in some ways this is true. Rich nations are quick to stipulate rules on usage of natural resources, casting a blind eye on what made them rich in the first place...What needs to happen is, as the girl who spoke in the UN meeting articulated, we need to work as one earth, one world, all in it together..
I love my job, as I am a cog in the wheel of change. I don't need to be a major piece of the puzzle, all I know is if I do my part, and if everyone does theirs too, then we'll all be doing our part in making the world a better, happier and peaceful place to live in..
Forget the 'hoax' or 'conspiracy theory' concepts...forget the economic perspective too..this is not a race, this is not a competition of who is strongest, who is biggest, the environment doesn't understand politics.. the logic of everything in moderation is really, the most intelligent thing I have ever heard of. If you drink too much, you get drunk, if you eat too much you get fat. Cause, and effect. Do we really need to wait until the effect is much worse than the current catastrophes we've had to live through to start living responsibly?
Have a think about how you live your life. Are you doing your part?
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Timing V2
Okay, I just uploaded old entries from other blogs, mainly to fill in the gaps in stories, to give the full feel of the dramas I created for myself in the time my sister was ill.
But this also gave me the opportunity to look back through a lot of things I have written.
First of all I'm hesitant to share this openly, because its quite raw..and maybe difficult to appreciate or relate to..and because its so raw, I might open myself to criticism. On the other hand, as I said in an earlier blog, maybe this angst is all for nothing, and no one reads what I have to write..but just as long as it helps anyone who reads it, then its good for me...
But back to timing for a second.
I'm revisiting that title, because its apt. I look back and think about everything that I went through, and even surprising is the way I anticipted change, and scientifically dissecting my emotions..what a weirdo. But timing because even how Pem fits into this all is perfect timing..as I may never have come to Laos, I may never have taken this job, and never had met him if the chips didn't fall the way they did,..
Not that the 'other story' that would have evolved wouldn't have been interesting (assuming you chose to do B and then it sends you to page 31 and NOT page 40..) but well, this is it, this is me, the here and now.
I re read my stuff and know that I am cynical. I know that I am rude about certain things and extremely passionate about others. I may have friends who think I am harsh in my criticisms of the world, the people..whatever..but well..this is who I am. And this is what I think.
Here goes nothing.
The time is now..
Ming. Out.
But this also gave me the opportunity to look back through a lot of things I have written.
First of all I'm hesitant to share this openly, because its quite raw..and maybe difficult to appreciate or relate to..and because its so raw, I might open myself to criticism. On the other hand, as I said in an earlier blog, maybe this angst is all for nothing, and no one reads what I have to write..but just as long as it helps anyone who reads it, then its good for me...
But back to timing for a second.
I'm revisiting that title, because its apt. I look back and think about everything that I went through, and even surprising is the way I anticipted change, and scientifically dissecting my emotions..what a weirdo. But timing because even how Pem fits into this all is perfect timing..as I may never have come to Laos, I may never have taken this job, and never had met him if the chips didn't fall the way they did,..
Not that the 'other story' that would have evolved wouldn't have been interesting (assuming you chose to do B and then it sends you to page 31 and NOT page 40..) but well, this is it, this is me, the here and now.
I re read my stuff and know that I am cynical. I know that I am rude about certain things and extremely passionate about others. I may have friends who think I am harsh in my criticisms of the world, the people..whatever..but well..this is who I am. And this is what I think.
Here goes nothing.
The time is now..
Ming. Out.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Compassionate anxiety
I don't know if this is real, this compassionate anxiety, but maybe its like telekenesis in some ways, as one person can channel their anxiety to another, even from miles away.
I mean, I know how anxiety feels:
Feel dizzy-- CHECK
Nausea-- CHECK
Irrational thoughts of doom-- CHECK CHECK CHECK.
I have to say, during the time of my sister's illness I did not feel anxious. I felt responsible. I had to take the pole position and turn my emotion switch off. I had trouble turning it back on..but that is a different story altogether.
I DID feel anxious in the first stages of falling in love last 2007. Most likely because I was just coming from an emotional black hole and then shoved into a rainbow of feelings..its like alcohol or lsd for the first time..Even just the thought of Pem would make me feel like throwing up. I was constantly in a cold sweat and had thought of our potential relationship and its imminent failure in 2,328 ways. I don't believe that this is what one has to go through to know love in its truest sense..I just think it was just the time in my life.
But NOW, this is totally different.
I have a friend who is troubled. And this friend has found a way to channel compassionate anxiety my way..The irrational thoughts, the nausea, the dizzy spells..all CHECK! Sheesh..
But, honestly, I don't mind. If I can be an exit point of the stress, then fine..but I did tell my friend that they should tell me when they ARE anxious, so I can anticipate the jolt of emotion and NOT imagine that my life is on the edge and that the issues are mine.
Being a good friend means that sometimes, you need to take the shots.
I mean, I know how anxiety feels:
Feel dizzy-- CHECK
Nausea-- CHECK
Irrational thoughts of doom-- CHECK CHECK CHECK.
I have to say, during the time of my sister's illness I did not feel anxious. I felt responsible. I had to take the pole position and turn my emotion switch off. I had trouble turning it back on..but that is a different story altogether.
I DID feel anxious in the first stages of falling in love last 2007. Most likely because I was just coming from an emotional black hole and then shoved into a rainbow of feelings..its like alcohol or lsd for the first time..Even just the thought of Pem would make me feel like throwing up. I was constantly in a cold sweat and had thought of our potential relationship and its imminent failure in 2,328 ways. I don't believe that this is what one has to go through to know love in its truest sense..I just think it was just the time in my life.
But NOW, this is totally different.
I have a friend who is troubled. And this friend has found a way to channel compassionate anxiety my way..The irrational thoughts, the nausea, the dizzy spells..all CHECK! Sheesh..
But, honestly, I don't mind. If I can be an exit point of the stress, then fine..but I did tell my friend that they should tell me when they ARE anxious, so I can anticipate the jolt of emotion and NOT imagine that my life is on the edge and that the issues are mine.
Being a good friend means that sometimes, you need to take the shots.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Updates, news and whatever comes out of my head
Well, I must share that I am now, 99.999% married. We just need to sign our names on the dotted line, which we will cheesily do on my birthday, the 28th. (note to self--but ticket home already!, oh and check out credit card bill)
Its quite an odd system they have here. Took us 6 months to get it all done, from documents from the DFA to our police interviews, medicals, and every government official having a look at our income (okay, mine only, as I am the foreigner).. and I am now imagining the police lady handing over our paper work to someone who is now applying for the same thing as a 'model to follow' like they did for us..yeah, I got handed over someone elses wedding papers (some guy who works for the UN--imagine) including his bank statements.. no sense of confidentiality at all..oh well.
Have had funny discussions with friends recently and some thoughts have come from this..
People don't really change, a**es from the past, will most likely still be a**es in the future. Unless they have some sort of life changing event, don't expect people to change drastically. A few small habits here and there, yeah, but a change? Suggest you be the one to change instead.
Drama is like a drug, something that should be avoided and/or outlawed.
On another note..
I am still hesitant to broadcast this blog, maybe because its too close to the heart, but is that so bad really? Well, lets see, soon.
Its quite an odd system they have here. Took us 6 months to get it all done, from documents from the DFA to our police interviews, medicals, and every government official having a look at our income (okay, mine only, as I am the foreigner).. and I am now imagining the police lady handing over our paper work to someone who is now applying for the same thing as a 'model to follow' like they did for us..yeah, I got handed over someone elses wedding papers (some guy who works for the UN--imagine) including his bank statements.. no sense of confidentiality at all..oh well.
Have had funny discussions with friends recently and some thoughts have come from this..
People don't really change, a**es from the past, will most likely still be a**es in the future. Unless they have some sort of life changing event, don't expect people to change drastically. A few small habits here and there, yeah, but a change? Suggest you be the one to change instead.
Drama is like a drug, something that should be avoided and/or outlawed.
On another note..
I am still hesitant to broadcast this blog, maybe because its too close to the heart, but is that so bad really? Well, lets see, soon.
Friday, June 19, 2009
soft opening
I've had this for a few years now, and I again, think that I should be paying for this site, as it helped me recover to the state that I am in now..all happy and shiny, well about love that is, I'm so NOT happy and shiny about many other things--> the state of our nation, hunger around the world, environmental degradation...
but in any case, I am now, opening this blog to the world. I'm a little worried about the criticisms and crappy comments about my thoughts, worried that I may post some sort of racial slur accidentally (like I did yesterday on fb!) and get crucified for it (sheesh, isn't that another rude thing to say?)
But I have been encouraged by a few friends, that I write real, and I write raw. I'm not trying to gain popularity, and I have no affiliations with anyone. I love my friends and am not here to share their dirty secrets. We all have secrets. We are also all human, so be nice, okay?
I'm also trying to import my posts from friendster, but, I'm not too good at this, as tech savvy as I am, I can't download torrents.
My thought for today is:
The Philippines Sucks. It really does. Its time we all owned up to it. Our politics suck. The fact that we have millions of hungry people makes us suck. The fact that we are getting robbed blind by people in power makes us suck. The fact that our senate meets about videos instead of doing their work and we STILL watch it on TV makes us suck. We have a false sense of social with all of our swanky malls, our coffee shops and country clubs, but at the end of the day, we don't care about each other, about our nation, but we will happily complain about it.
When are the people in power going to answer for the problems they have caused? And when are we going to take responsibility for making our country the way it is because we have been apathetic?
hmph. not shiny and surely not happy.
Here it goes!
but in any case, I am now, opening this blog to the world. I'm a little worried about the criticisms and crappy comments about my thoughts, worried that I may post some sort of racial slur accidentally (like I did yesterday on fb!) and get crucified for it (sheesh, isn't that another rude thing to say?)
But I have been encouraged by a few friends, that I write real, and I write raw. I'm not trying to gain popularity, and I have no affiliations with anyone. I love my friends and am not here to share their dirty secrets. We all have secrets. We are also all human, so be nice, okay?
I'm also trying to import my posts from friendster, but, I'm not too good at this, as tech savvy as I am, I can't download torrents.
My thought for today is:
The Philippines Sucks. It really does. Its time we all owned up to it. Our politics suck. The fact that we have millions of hungry people makes us suck. The fact that we are getting robbed blind by people in power makes us suck. The fact that our senate meets about videos instead of doing their work and we STILL watch it on TV makes us suck. We have a false sense of social with all of our swanky malls, our coffee shops and country clubs, but at the end of the day, we don't care about each other, about our nation, but we will happily complain about it.
When are the people in power going to answer for the problems they have caused? And when are we going to take responsibility for making our country the way it is because we have been apathetic?
hmph. not shiny and surely not happy.
Here it goes!
People and their power
Our society has many problems. More ills than the days of Noli Me Tangere and the cancers described. In actual fact, those cancers have morphed into something even worse, faster growing and more deadly, and we don’t have Jose Rizal to write about it anymore. We do have some bloggers who have so much to share, but maybe it’s the acquired apathy of being screwed over for so long, or the hunger that others feel so they don’t have enough energy to focus on rallies and taking a stance or that there are too many blogs people get confused..I’m not really sure where the problem lies..
The situation is so complex now its hard to determine exactly who needs to act to get a serious uprising, a serious government willing to pave the way for us, and, from my green perspective, a serious citizen, willing to fight against environmental issues.
It has been proven over time, that one man can make a difference, that people who stand together can make a change. The question is, aren't you sick of how things are right now? And what you are you going to do about it?
Did you join the rally or was it just 'so init' you couldn't stand the heat? Do you sit in your car alone driving to work, happy about your 'quiet time', not even thinking twice about carpooling and utilizing resources a little better?
Tell me your stomach didnt turn when the senate took in the whole video scandal, with matching throwing of water on that idiot who got caught taping his girls. I couldn't even stomach watching the telenovela unfold, in real time, with the boy looking over his shoulder saying 'my life could be in danger, they could have people in here'..
I deserve a better government, one that stands for my rights, for my basic needs. You deserve a better government, one that is just and moral and with dignity. We all deserve a better country.
I am angry. You should be too. If there were a rally here in Laos, I would travel the 4 hrs to Vientiane to attend it, to show that I am sick and tired of this all.
With great power comes great responsibility, don't people get that anymore?
The situation is so complex now its hard to determine exactly who needs to act to get a serious uprising, a serious government willing to pave the way for us, and, from my green perspective, a serious citizen, willing to fight against environmental issues.
It has been proven over time, that one man can make a difference, that people who stand together can make a change. The question is, aren't you sick of how things are right now? And what you are you going to do about it?
Did you join the rally or was it just 'so init' you couldn't stand the heat? Do you sit in your car alone driving to work, happy about your 'quiet time', not even thinking twice about carpooling and utilizing resources a little better?
Tell me your stomach didnt turn when the senate took in the whole video scandal, with matching throwing of water on that idiot who got caught taping his girls. I couldn't even stomach watching the telenovela unfold, in real time, with the boy looking over his shoulder saying 'my life could be in danger, they could have people in here'..
I deserve a better government, one that stands for my rights, for my basic needs. You deserve a better government, one that is just and moral and with dignity. We all deserve a better country.
I am angry. You should be too. If there were a rally here in Laos, I would travel the 4 hrs to Vientiane to attend it, to show that I am sick and tired of this all.
With great power comes great responsibility, don't people get that anymore?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The here and now
I started this blog with a lot of angst, a lot of which I have let go of by now (not all mind you, just a lot). It's now been a while (3 years?) since my last angsty entry, and 4 since changes happened.
I am now, good.
I have lost 50 pounds in total. I know, how did I let myself gain all that weight, but sometimes you don't notice, it just happens and then boom, you come out of your cloud and you see yourself in the mirror and you wonder what happened. I don't remember eating myself out of house and home. I don't remember overindulging.. but I do remember a LOT of alcohol and extreme snacking. The good thing is, I did it the legit way. Exercise and diet. I just changed gear and dug my heels in (against myself) and thought I want to be 130 lbs again. Okay, am still 10 off, but 140 is WAY closer than 190! As I have said to those bad bad people who said 'Ang taba mo!' (in a rude way, not in a Ming, lose weight please way), in my mind (and sometimes it came out of my mouth) 'At least weight I can lose, I doubt you will have luck losing your crappy attitude'
I am in love. Yes, surprisingly so. I think back to when I first left Manila, thinking 'Dein, I am safe and sound, no love prospect on site! Focus on work, 2 years then back home!'..fast forward to the now...all happy and shiny, ready to get married in January..Not so keen on the whole bride-wedding plans stuff though, Vegas sounds so appealing!
I still analyze myself too often. I still feel fear. I still get those moments that I know its safer not to extend myself to anyone, to avoid drama and pain..but that is not living, that is merely existing. And I am here to live.
So, in the next few months I am going to edit my posts (only slightly) for public viewing. If people read it and comment, good. If not, its also good..I don't mind really. This blog was opened to save my soul, to keep me sane, and that it did..so maybe it will help someone else out there..you never know..
ming. out.
I am now, good.
I have lost 50 pounds in total. I know, how did I let myself gain all that weight, but sometimes you don't notice, it just happens and then boom, you come out of your cloud and you see yourself in the mirror and you wonder what happened. I don't remember eating myself out of house and home. I don't remember overindulging.. but I do remember a LOT of alcohol and extreme snacking. The good thing is, I did it the legit way. Exercise and diet. I just changed gear and dug my heels in (against myself) and thought I want to be 130 lbs again. Okay, am still 10 off, but 140 is WAY closer than 190! As I have said to those bad bad people who said 'Ang taba mo!' (in a rude way, not in a Ming, lose weight please way), in my mind (and sometimes it came out of my mouth) 'At least weight I can lose, I doubt you will have luck losing your crappy attitude'
I am in love. Yes, surprisingly so. I think back to when I first left Manila, thinking 'Dein, I am safe and sound, no love prospect on site! Focus on work, 2 years then back home!'..fast forward to the now...all happy and shiny, ready to get married in January..Not so keen on the whole bride-wedding plans stuff though, Vegas sounds so appealing!
I still analyze myself too often. I still feel fear. I still get those moments that I know its safer not to extend myself to anyone, to avoid drama and pain..but that is not living, that is merely existing. And I am here to live.
So, in the next few months I am going to edit my posts (only slightly) for public viewing. If people read it and comment, good. If not, its also good..I don't mind really. This blog was opened to save my soul, to keep me sane, and that it did..so maybe it will help someone else out there..you never know..
ming. out.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Spring Cleaning
I have been remiss. At first it was because I couldn't open my multiply..and then busy with work (still am), and life, well, it all just takes time! But, I've decided its time to get my act together..
Okay, first things first:
1. Wedding-- F$%K! I'm so behind schedule, I'm skitsing! ANNNND the venue I want is a bit hmm, not so used to holding weddings? The coordinator emailed me today and said (I quote with comments)
Dear Ms. Melody & Mr. Soukthavy,We are pleased to inform you that we can't offer you as your request in this time before you sign to confirm with us.(ooookkay pass that by me again? you are pleased to inform me??)
Because of the policy of our hotel, but after you sign to confirm, we will give you two food in our menu for your testing before your wedding one week. (so you expect me to sign the contract first, requiring 50% downpayment and THEN you will let me taste TWO things on the menu A WEEK before my wedding??)
And about the flower arrangement. We arrange as normal is not so nice, we will do on the reception table and food table also.( I responded that they should reduce their overall price if they thought their own flower arrangement substandard..don't give me your flowers!)
So, for those of you who know me well..you expect me to accept tasting the food A WEEK before? I would have broken out in hives by then! I emailed them back nicely saying lets meet this weekend to discuss and that I will need to test the food to sign on, no questions asked (though, a friend of mine says I wont even get to eat at the wedding--so EVEN MORE should we have the taste test!)
Everything is behind schedule..sheesh, the wedsite, the invite list (but this isn't scheduled to be sent to the printer til July)..okay yeah, I'm anal, I KNOW.
2. Work-- I have TWO hands and a procrastinating nature..I also have a threshold, once you give me work that OTHER PEOPLE ARE PAID TO DO, I get a leetttllllee annoyed and MORE procrastinaty. Even if two hands can juggle 10 balls, well, one is bound to fall and I DONT JUGGLE, I organize! hehehe. Okay, this aside I do enjoy my work, though I think I am on like a long hate list, as there are more and more people who are lazy, but I ride their butts to get it done..on the other hand there are those CREATIVE (read: people with initiative, sablay nga lang) and man, what a mess!
Well, am stressed right now, I have three documents (1 is 79 pages, 1 is about 50 and the other 30) that need to be finished by FRIDAY lunch. I need a miracle (okay, actually all I need coke and a quiet space that has no internet)
3. Love- My last entry about love was all sooo cheesy..and the update here is, we are still, queso as ever. I will write something about this on its own :) he he he.
Okay, thats it for now, I have a deadline and no WAY am I taking work on my holiday!
Manila here I come--YAY!!
Okay, first things first:
1. Wedding-- F$%K! I'm so behind schedule, I'm skitsing! ANNNND the venue I want is a bit hmm, not so used to holding weddings? The coordinator emailed me today and said (I quote with comments)
Dear Ms. Melody & Mr. Soukthavy,We are pleased to inform you that we can't offer you as your request in this time before you sign to confirm with us.(ooookkay pass that by me again? you are pleased to inform me??)
Because of the policy of our hotel, but after you sign to confirm, we will give you two food in our menu for your testing before your wedding one week. (so you expect me to sign the contract first, requiring 50% downpayment and THEN you will let me taste TWO things on the menu A WEEK before my wedding??)
And about the flower arrangement. We arrange as normal is not so nice, we will do on the reception table and food table also.( I responded that they should reduce their overall price if they thought their own flower arrangement substandard..don't give me your flowers!)
So, for those of you who know me well..you expect me to accept tasting the food A WEEK before? I would have broken out in hives by then! I emailed them back nicely saying lets meet this weekend to discuss and that I will need to test the food to sign on, no questions asked (though, a friend of mine says I wont even get to eat at the wedding--so EVEN MORE should we have the taste test!)
Everything is behind schedule..sheesh, the wedsite, the invite list (but this isn't scheduled to be sent to the printer til July)..okay yeah, I'm anal, I KNOW.
2. Work-- I have TWO hands and a procrastinating nature..I also have a threshold, once you give me work that OTHER PEOPLE ARE PAID TO DO, I get a leetttllllee annoyed and MORE procrastinaty. Even if two hands can juggle 10 balls, well, one is bound to fall and I DONT JUGGLE, I organize! hehehe. Okay, this aside I do enjoy my work, though I think I am on like a long hate list, as there are more and more people who are lazy, but I ride their butts to get it done..on the other hand there are those CREATIVE (read: people with initiative, sablay nga lang) and man, what a mess!
Well, am stressed right now, I have three documents (1 is 79 pages, 1 is about 50 and the other 30) that need to be finished by FRIDAY lunch. I need a miracle (okay, actually all I need coke and a quiet space that has no internet)
3. Love- My last entry about love was all sooo cheesy..and the update here is, we are still, queso as ever. I will write something about this on its own :) he he he.
Okay, thats it for now, I have a deadline and no WAY am I taking work on my holiday!
Manila here I come--YAY!!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Five years after the ICU
For the past few days I've been thinking about making a post..what kind of update, do I talk about my lack of time to plan the wedding? Do I talk about how happy I am (booorrinngg), do I talk about my cutie dog?..I couldn't think, so I let it sit.
Last night in bed, I had trouble sleeping. Well, I normally have trouble, but last night was more than usual..but then, instead of trying to sleep I got to thinking for some reason about 5 years ago, March 2005.
Some memories are vivid, some are so hazy, not sure if that is intentional because the vivid ones INCLUDE the bad ones.
I remember the day I was called. Can't remember who called me na, was it Mel? Was it Daddy? I was on the supercat from Dumaguete to Cebu, it was just about to leave. 10 mins later and I wouldn't have gotten the call to make the flight home. I got to Cebu, I packed a back pack and jumped on the flight to Manila. I do remember that it was Mel who picked me up, and took me straight to Asian. I do remember that Marissa and I were 'fighting' again, but she called me after I left her a message of 'I wouldn't call you right now if it wasn't important'...I know that day changed the lives of at least 9 people, 10 including me.
I lived in Asian Hospital from November 27 to January 4. I think I left all of 3 days, for a maximum of 8 hours (including sleeping time)except for the day of Naomi's wedding. I do recall vividly that while in the ICU, I slept an average of 2 hours per day, and that I had a good friend there with me, doing exactly the same thing.
I knew the menu of the food of skyline catering by heart. I was checking her blood pressure every half an hour. I remember trying to alleviate the load of my parents..though I did this for two reasons, one of which was selfish..I couldn't handle it if I had two people ill, one was enough for now thanks. The other being I wanted to save my parents the pain of every small detail..which I think I did, and am glad I did...I remember taking the valium instead of giving it to my mother, and Nette taking the other one that the doctor gave for mommy too.
My life is not the chaos it used to be. If you had asked me then would I be in Laos working for the biggest Hydro project (multi purpose project) thats being touted as the 'project to follow' with regards to environmental and social safeguards in place..I would have laughed. I mean, hello, LAND LOCKED! If you had asked me then would I be getting married soon to someone not from home or from my circle, I would have surely scoffed at that too, because I would have never imagined to live so far from my friends, my people..
I was lucky though, because I tackled my life issues as if it were a scientific experiment, something that starts with a hypothesis, a set of parameters and a problem that just needed the right formula to be solved.
I would never wish that someone go through what I went through. And no, I'm not trying to over sensationalize my feelings, as if its all about *me*..it's not. It was about all of us.
And though my life may no longer be in chaos, I still have those moments in bed thinking about that time, and it really has scarred me for life. I still feel the pain in my chest when I think too hard, and still feel tears when I picture things in my head.
It's my sister's birthday in a week. It's been five years since all hell broke loose in our house, and it may not be back to normal, but I can't say I am not proud of my sister who now works, who had a life schedule, who gets stuff done. I can't say I haven't been critical, especially since I feel as if I have lost out the most (my perspective)..I can't say that I don't expect more from her just BECAUSE she is my sister, the daughter of my father. We are products of hard working earnest people, so I do have high expectations of her and myself. We are not half assed, we are do or don't. Perhaps the time will come when I will accept that its not 'we' its 'me'..but I am not there yet.
But for now, its time for a cease fire, as we are going to celebrate life and love and survival. We have survived. We have risen from the ashes stronger, more determined, more real and tangible..happy birthday Sparks!
This is my life. With all its dramas, all its cliff hangers, all its dull moments, everything.. I appreciate my life and the people I share it with. And that includes you. so thank you, for being there, either in thought, action or truancy. I am okay because of you.
Last night in bed, I had trouble sleeping. Well, I normally have trouble, but last night was more than usual..but then, instead of trying to sleep I got to thinking for some reason about 5 years ago, March 2005.
Some memories are vivid, some are so hazy, not sure if that is intentional because the vivid ones INCLUDE the bad ones.
I remember the day I was called. Can't remember who called me na, was it Mel? Was it Daddy? I was on the supercat from Dumaguete to Cebu, it was just about to leave. 10 mins later and I wouldn't have gotten the call to make the flight home. I got to Cebu, I packed a back pack and jumped on the flight to Manila. I do remember that it was Mel who picked me up, and took me straight to Asian. I do remember that Marissa and I were 'fighting' again, but she called me after I left her a message of 'I wouldn't call you right now if it wasn't important'...I know that day changed the lives of at least 9 people, 10 including me.
I lived in Asian Hospital from November 27 to January 4. I think I left all of 3 days, for a maximum of 8 hours (including sleeping time)except for the day of Naomi's wedding. I do recall vividly that while in the ICU, I slept an average of 2 hours per day, and that I had a good friend there with me, doing exactly the same thing.
I knew the menu of the food of skyline catering by heart. I was checking her blood pressure every half an hour. I remember trying to alleviate the load of my parents..though I did this for two reasons, one of which was selfish..I couldn't handle it if I had two people ill, one was enough for now thanks. The other being I wanted to save my parents the pain of every small detail..which I think I did, and am glad I did...I remember taking the valium instead of giving it to my mother, and Nette taking the other one that the doctor gave for mommy too.
My life is not the chaos it used to be. If you had asked me then would I be in Laos working for the biggest Hydro project (multi purpose project) thats being touted as the 'project to follow' with regards to environmental and social safeguards in place..I would have laughed. I mean, hello, LAND LOCKED! If you had asked me then would I be getting married soon to someone not from home or from my circle, I would have surely scoffed at that too, because I would have never imagined to live so far from my friends, my people..
I was lucky though, because I tackled my life issues as if it were a scientific experiment, something that starts with a hypothesis, a set of parameters and a problem that just needed the right formula to be solved.
I would never wish that someone go through what I went through. And no, I'm not trying to over sensationalize my feelings, as if its all about *me*..it's not. It was about all of us.
And though my life may no longer be in chaos, I still have those moments in bed thinking about that time, and it really has scarred me for life. I still feel the pain in my chest when I think too hard, and still feel tears when I picture things in my head.
It's my sister's birthday in a week. It's been five years since all hell broke loose in our house, and it may not be back to normal, but I can't say I am not proud of my sister who now works, who had a life schedule, who gets stuff done. I can't say I haven't been critical, especially since I feel as if I have lost out the most (my perspective)..I can't say that I don't expect more from her just BECAUSE she is my sister, the daughter of my father. We are products of hard working earnest people, so I do have high expectations of her and myself. We are not half assed, we are do or don't. Perhaps the time will come when I will accept that its not 'we' its 'me'..but I am not there yet.
But for now, its time for a cease fire, as we are going to celebrate life and love and survival. We have survived. We have risen from the ashes stronger, more determined, more real and tangible..happy birthday Sparks!
This is my life. With all its dramas, all its cliff hangers, all its dull moments, everything.. I appreciate my life and the people I share it with. And that includes you. so thank you, for being there, either in thought, action or truancy. I am okay because of you.
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