The here and now

I started this blog with a lot of angst, a lot of which I have let go of by now (not all mind you, just a lot). It's now been a while (3 years?) since my last angsty entry, and 4 since changes happened.

I am now, good.

I have lost 50 pounds in total. I know, how did I let myself gain all that weight, but sometimes you don't notice, it just happens and then boom, you come out of your cloud and you see yourself in the mirror and you wonder what happened. I don't remember eating myself out of house and home. I don't remember overindulging.. but I do remember a LOT of alcohol and extreme snacking. The good thing is, I did it the legit way. Exercise and diet. I just changed gear and dug my heels in (against myself) and thought I want to be 130 lbs again. Okay, am still 10 off, but 140 is WAY closer than 190! As I have said to those bad bad people who said 'Ang taba mo!' (in a rude way, not in a Ming, lose weight please way), in my mind (and sometimes it came out of my mouth) 'At least weight I can lose, I doubt you will have luck losing your crappy attitude'

I am in love. Yes, surprisingly so. I think back to when I first left Manila, thinking 'Dein, I am safe and sound, no love prospect on site! Focus on work, 2 years then back home!'..fast forward to the now...all happy and shiny, ready to get married in January..Not so keen on the whole bride-wedding plans stuff though, Vegas sounds so appealing!

I still analyze myself too often. I still feel fear. I still get those moments that I know its safer not to extend myself to anyone, to avoid drama and pain..but that is not living, that is merely existing. And I am here to live.

So, in the next few months I am going to edit my posts (only slightly) for public viewing. If people read it and comment, good. If not, its also good..I don't mind really. This blog was opened to save my soul, to keep me sane, and that it did..so maybe it will help someone else out there..you never know..

ming. out.