Household mutiny survival kit

My house help has gone on hiatus..
She left on the 30th, saying she'd be back on the 1st, and today (2nd) I have declared her AWOL to the village guard. If I lived on my own, (a place that wouldn't be much larger than 100 sq m) I would be fine..but I live in my parents house (approx too many square meters for my liking!) and everyone else is on holiday!!
By asking around for some house help from friends, I found out that the same thing has happened to a few other friends! Looks like New Year was munity on the bounty day for helpers nationwide!
So, here is a little tip from my friend, Mr. Stepford (that's his alias because he lives a Stepford lifestyle!)..who knows how to live it up, university style!
If you are alone the University feeding ritual can be invoked - get a large (very large) coffee mug - this serves for breakfast (cereal) followed by coffee (once cereal eaten), lunch is a sandwich eaten off your hand (OK as you can get office boy to wash plates in the office), dinner is noodles microwaved in the mug - leave the mug to soak overnight (a few quick rinses during the day help) and a quick 2 minutes in the microwave the next morning kills all bugs and you are ready to feed yourself again. Simple and revolving ritual.

Washing and cleaning are slightly more challenging.
Cleaning can me minimised by minimising space used i.e. door - kitchen - TV - bed, do not veer off this path or else the cleaning load increases, the rest of the house is now a no-go area.
Washing - even trickier as students only change clothes once a month, this was never too much of a strain, but maybe if you are expected to look decent for work it is suggested that you change clothes on a daily basis. Then again they say the best place to find your husband/wife is in the laundry (although the Manila versions are not so conducive to this as 2 minutes to drop off/pick up allow little time for the 45 minutes watching your clothes spin.) Also the supermarket is full of helpers doing the groceries - so that could be the answer - go to the supermarket and headhunt.
Any other suggestions? ha ha ha Happy Happy New Year!